Too busy?

[jonmcgough]

Ugh. I don't think the design is, but the CEO disagree's, and I'm kind of stuck, unable to come up with a simpler design.

Anyone wanna take a crack at this? Maybe another set of eyes will see the obvious solution to this before I do.

Introduction is the original.
www.jonathanmcgough.com/introduction.pdf (http://www.jonathanmcgough.com/introduction.pdf)

Introduction 2 is where i got sick of messing around with it.
www.jonathanmcgough.com/introduction2.pdf (http://www.jonathanmcgough.com/introduction2.pdf)

Thanks!

-Jon

[greyghost]

Hey jon, and welcome.
Is this an ad? Or?

I don't think it is too busy, personally. On the original I'd move the logo and red line over to the right so it's not touching the bridge and stands alone in the sky.

For your CEO, maybe you need a bridge waaaaaaaaaaaaay out in the distance, by itself... very empty looking piece.

I wish more CEOs wanted a "simple" design... most clients I get want "more, more MORE!" in the ad

[jonmcgough]

Hey!

Don't you hate it when you write a long response, and you miss clicking on the submit button, and you lose your post? Argh!

To sum up.., this is a brochure. First page is the front and back cover, second page the inside spread.

Inside spread is where the issue is. I think mainly on the right side, so many pictures seem to be the CEO's issue. But hes a hard guy to please, and changes his mind often, but I'm sure you've had worse clients.

Uh.., yeah. The left side text can't really change too much unless I change the entire design. The body text for each column goes with the subject. The right is where I think I can get things much simpler.., but there's very little text, and he apparently doesn't want me to use much imagery. So, what do I fill it with? Can't change the size of the text really, then it doesn't look too much like the body text on the left. Spacing is just icky. Maybe I'm not pushing the type right, I dunno. So I guess thats a more directed area to get advice for.

And I hate justified text, ugh. I feel so bad mauling the letterspacing so much, but it was requested, so.

Heh, actually, yes. Right before this one, there's a large image replacing the three images on the lower right of the inside spread. Of a bridge going far out into the horizon, and with the logo looking quite nice inside. But, he hates that picture, sigh.

Oh, side question. Anyone ever had their client ask to make periods and comma's have larger spaces than normal? The only work around I could figure out was to do a find and replace, making the spaces after commas and periods an EN space. Silly way to do it?

Phew, this was long again, haha. Nothing like a rant / critique / technical question all in one.

Advice greatly appreciated! Thanks a lot!

[reuber1]

I'm thinking this should be in the showcase.

Firefox locked up twice when I tried to open them. Not sure if they're too big or what, but I can't offer any advice because I can't see them or open them.

[jonmcgough]

Hmm.., I'm using Firefox myself with no problems. Sorry man. Is showcase a place for critiquing? I didn't really see a specific forum for it.

[greyghost]

I used FF and only saw the first page - will try again and see...

Edit - ok, I can see the rest of it now - I like the design and don't find it crazy busy - but also realized my eyes don't know where to go - what to focus on - maybe that is your CEO's problem?

[Patrick Shannon]

Edit - ok, I can see the rest of it now - I like the design and don't find it crazy busy - but also realized my eyes don't know where to go - what to focus on - maybe that is your CEO's problem?

I think I could agree with that. I definitely don't think the design is busy-crazy by means of the information, I think the informational highlights present themselves quite well. I could see - like greyghost suggested - that maybe the eyes might be a little overwhelmed.

The only thing that I can (quickly) think of maybe to reduce this on the inside first page is to possibly eliminate the bottom photos way down at the footer, but keep the "Please contact us..." tagline. Granted your text columns will be a bit longer, but it kind of helps focuses the eyes on that panel a little easier.

(Edit: Ah, I now see you did that in brochure 2.)

The only other thing I can possibly suggest might be a matter of my personal preference, I won't say this is what you should ultimately do by any means. This suggestion also has a lot to do with the photo of the bridge itself. On the outside cover, the logo and the tagline "bridging the gap with insurance solutions" are above the bridge. Now I don't know if the picture goes any further (or will even look good) past the bottom of the brochure, but one possible "experiment" is moving the bridge up a bit and moving the logo/tagline in the gap of the bridge itself (kind bottom right-ish of the brochure cover).

The reason I say it might be worth an experiment is visual association. The logo/tagline would filling "the gap of the bridge," get me? ;) Once again, it's only a thought.

[rockem]

its busy the way you have it right know you need to create heirarchy, and deffinatley get rid of those strokes, you have some cool images to play with here should be a fun project. Your typography needs alot of work also

[jonmcgough]

Thanks for the responses!

Hmm, maybe Grey. I dunno. I feel like the hierarchy isn't too bad. Three huge images on the upper left of the page? Largest white type at the bottom of the images, leading to the body text? I think that makes sense.

Where things get muddled is the right side to me. Using a large image will fight with the left side, as would making anything too big. So I guess that's where it gets difficult. I don't know how to keep it simple there. Maybe I should abandon the three column structure on the left side? Ohh...

Haha, Patrick, already tried that idea. It was shut down. He's pretty happy with the cover as it is.

Haha, and, well, telling me to build a hierarchy and fix my type doesn't really help. Can ya be more specific?

[greyghost]

On the typography end of it - the white boxes don't flow with the design in the first example. I'm not much of a fan of drop caps, and to me the text is small, and hard to read.

The other part, that maybe contributes to the buisiness, is the three-column system. Something about it doesn't flow right - have you tried putting all that info on the right into one big blue space, and in one column?

I like the layout of the pictures, I think the text part is where it gets a bit difficult.

[rockem]

Thanks for the responses!

Hmm, maybe Grey. I dunno. I feel like the hierarchy isn't too bad. Three huge images on the upper left of the page? Largest white type at the bottom of the images, leading to the body text? I think that makes sense.

Where things get muddled is the right side to me. Using a large image will fight with the left side, as would making anything too big. So I guess that's where it gets difficult. I don't know how to keep it simple there. Maybe I should abandon the three column structure on the left side? Ohh...

Haha, Patrick, already tried that idea. It was shut down. He's pretty happy with the cover as it is.

Haha, and, well, telling me to build a hierarchy and fix my type doesn't really help. Can ya be more specific?

I could but I think you should find out for yourself what is the weak and strong parts of it. If I tell you this and this is wrong then you just go change it you wouldnt learn that much would you? :)