A School Project Thats getting out of hand!

[Jriddim]

Ok Here is my first project for my Illy class. Our project was to tell a story using at least 25 elipses with at least 5 strokes. We could distort the elipses if we wanted, or ad a point of two if we absolutley needed. Here is my story on how a non violent protestor can get sent to jail. I am still doing alot of tweaking right now, so this is not the final.


http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c142/_Truth_and_rights_/MLKJ3.jpg

[typographics]

jriddim,

lookin good. keep it up.

matthew~

[Mickoes]

Ho nice, I like the face

[cjoe]

cool idea mate, i'm glad you didn't do stick men.

[Jriddim]

Hahaha yeah, Im pretty sure thats what the rest of the class has up their sleeve. lol

[cjoe]

were you not allowed any colour, or were you looking at recreating a historical piece e.g. old photograph?

[Jriddim]

yeah i was def going for the old-school b+W look. I think going in and colorizing would be alot of fun which i may do for the heck of it.. but yeah we were allowed color but i decided that the use of color wouldnt really work for the feeling i was trying to create.

[Ally]

good start, a thing that kinda jumps out at me though is that the bars are 3d style whereas the rest of the design is illustrated in more of a flat manner. I think you might want to give that a tweak.

[Jriddim]

yeah thats very true, i diddnt even really notice that untill now! (wow it is really bothering me now so im gonna fix and repost) thanks for the tip!

[Jriddim]

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c142/_Truth_and_rights_/MLKJ5.jpg

[Ally]

much better :)

[PrintDriver]

Now it's completely flat. No sense of depth. While the 3D bars were out of place, they did tend to lend a great sense of depth. Try to visualize the bars in strokes as they are in gradient. I think you've got your grays out of order in the second version. Don't hide the bright stroke so much.

[Jriddim]

thanks for the advice! I shall take that into consideration. hopefully ill have it reposted in a jiffy.

[Jriddim]

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c142/_Truth_and_rights_/MLKJ6.jpg

[typographics]

jriddim,

the one you posted in post #10 is the best. the bars shouldnt look brand new and polished like your last post. you want to tug on the emotions of the viewer. dr king wouldnt have been put in a nice clean cell, he would have been put in a nasty dirty one. exploit that concept.

i really like this in black and white. dont colorize it. it should look dark and depressing. it should make the viewer mad, upset, discusted etc... dr king was a great man, and i think you are doing this piece justice. keep it up.

matthew~

[Jriddim]

Thank you so much Typographics! you really said it! I really have to agree with you that #10 is the best. It looks like he is more in the dark and the livelyness of his face really makes the impression, I think the shinier bars take away from that.


Thanks again!!!!

[Jriddim]

Ok maybe both of you guys can agree on this?.... sucks that i saved over#10, but here is one that i think is inbetween. but i am in the process of recreating the bars on #10 lol

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c142/_Truth_and_rights_/MLK8.jpg

[typographics]

jriddim,

yup, i would go back to #10. also, the hand needs some work. you did a good job on his face, but it seems like the hand didnt get as much attention. i know hands are hard. simply defining his fingers some more would help. and his thumb is a little awkward also.

matthew~

[Jriddim]

yeah I know the hand is hard. I basaically had no reference for the hand... in the pic that i used his hand is completley blurred, (gesturing while hes talking).. so I think im gonna have to eye it some more, or use another reference of someone elses hand.

[Logo-Mechanix]

I think it looks good you're on the right path, the only thing I could suggest is whenever you have a hand in the foreground it has to be good or it sticks out. Try using some antomy of the hand what I would do is go to Google and type in photos of hands and use them for reference it will make the hand look more real. I think the rest of the illustration is really strong the only thing is that hand, get that strong and you have a grea piece.

[Jriddim]

I think this is a little better Thanks again for your kindness.

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c142/_Truth_and_rights_/MLKJgeez2.jpg (http://photobucket.com)

[PrintDriver]

Don't use the gradient at all on any of the highlites in the bars and you might have it done. You aren't using the gradient anywhere else and it's being mis-used on the lightest highlight.

If you want to suggest the pitted, repainted look of actual prison bars I think your drawing will get overly 'busy'. It's approaching that now.

Edit: you posted an update while I was typing. LOL. This one is much better.

[Jriddim]

There shouldnt be any gradients in the bars any more. Do you think the hand is convincing enough?

[typographics]

jriddim,

the hand is a lot better. but the thumb still needs work. it seems like the thumb would be mostly behind the bar, or wrapping around it. try grabing something and notice where your thumb is in relation to that object. the way the thumb is now, it looks unnatural.

matthew~

[Jriddim]

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c142/_Truth_and_rights_/MLKJ11.jpg

[rockem]

your getting better but there is alot of stuff on the pic that can be taken out, alot of the highlights and shadows you can tell itis just a streched copy of another part and looks very forced. Alot of the stuff in the hair can be taken out some of theose white blobs and same with the face, the jacket needs work yet IMO

[typographics]

jriddim,

thats awesome! the hand and thumb look 100% better. if you have time, im sure you could tweak some minor things like rockem suggested, but you fixed all the major problems. good work.

matthew~

[Logo-Mechanix]

Yeah, its looking good now, you definitely fixed the hand and that made a big difference.

[Jriddim]

Thanks guys, I appreciate it! well i guess i will do some tweaking on my own time to make it perfect but as for now, I have to do the other two thirds of this project and tell a story using rectangles and another one using a diff shape (star, poly, spiral)
and ive been spendin alot time on this lol. oh yeah, and everything is due wed!

[MD]

Very nice progression with the hand - lookin' pretty good.

One area that has been bothering me is the bottom lip / chin area. I think it is a bit too busy and should be simplified a bit.

It looks like your first illustrator project is going to be light years ahead of your classmates, nice work.