College Project - Magazine Ad

[Birdie1483]

So I'm in the middle of my senior design project (yay). Anyhoo I'm designing the packaging and advertisement for a fake company. The company's name is "Ambrosia" and it's for stemware (generic wine glasses). I'm trying to focus the product for the average consumer so they feel like they are drinking high end stemware. Here is a rough draft of a sketch for the ad:

The image is being borrowed (I'm still waiting for permission). I'm trying to think of a good slogan or other copy for the ad. Any suggestions on picture content or slogan???




UPDATE: I'm no longer using this sketch. It was merely a sketch made up of a few things thrown together and I'm rethinking my ideas for this ad. Thanks for the comments.

[balou]

I like the image and the simplicity but I don't think you're hitting your target market - the average consumer. The photo seems more like a restaurant or bar supplier.

I'd suggest a different image - one with fewer glasses. Maybe an inset photo somewhere with a human element - a couple drinking wine from their Ambrosia stemware. Or dinner guests toasting the hostess with their Ambrosia stemware. Evoke a feeling somewhere in the ad. It doesn't do that right now.

[EC]

I don't think the image isn't all that interesting. I'd definitely crop it differently so it's not "head on" and in your face centered like. They eye should be "led" on the page to the main message you're trying to convey. But, you don't have a "message" yet since you're still concepting so maybe that's part of the problem.

Work on the concept first, then layout the page. That'll help.

The "definition" thing is very cliche too, I am really tired of seeing that. BUT! The actual definition itself has some really rich language -- why not write some copy based on that, I bet a good slogan could be found there.

Great start, keep us posted on this.

[CovertOperations]

Don't you think for your senior design project you should be capturing your own photos, or if that isn't possible; then making your advertising a little less photo dependant?

Your logo is nothing more than a scripted font, and a berry which is indistinguishable from clip art. You've also done the oldest trick in the book and done a dictionary definition, but unfortunately in a font and weight that in no way compliments the composition of the rest of the piece.

Sorry if this seems harsh, im not being mean. I truly believe that if this is your final major project for college, then if you put a little more work into it, you can definitely do a lot better.

Im still studying, and this is the quality of the work of barely passing junior students.. no offence.

[Birdie1483]

Well that was a little harsh and sort of unneeded. I am capturing my own photos, I'm just waiting to see what I want to photograph. I did say it was a rough draft and a work still in progress. Dont judge a book by it's cover CovertOperations.

Didn't anyone teach you how to make constructive criticism? Maybe you should read over the guidelines. I dont know where you study, but where I study, they teach us how to be team players, i.e. not insulting the designer. If you're going to play the age game, maybe you should take a hint from the rest of the members of this forum on how to give feedback. Snottyness is not well rewarded.

[DesignerScott]

1st of all, I didn't go to school for design, but here's what I noticed.
The glasses don't seem level to me, I'm AR about straight lines though, unless it's clearly intentional. I don't seem to be led around the page, instead the three elements seem disconnected. The photo lacks action for me; I think of the classic wine being poured and splashing all around, which is the kind of circular action you should get between the three elements. I also don't know how much control you got over the logo, but the color seems to clash, it reminds me more of grape juice, than of deep red wines.
Just my observations, but I really am trying to be constructive. Honestly.

[Birdie1483]

Thanks Scott. I"m actually ditching this sketch all together and starting over. It was mostly just a sketch i threw together in about 5 minutes to get a feel for the ad. I'm going to take everyone's comments into consideration for my next design. I'm also tweaking my logo and changing some things around a bit, the colors being the first. I"ll post it up later if I feel like i need some more crits. I appreciate the constructive comments, they got me thinking a bit.


Just for the record: I'm using my own photographs, i just used a pixelated one for the sketch. Thanks.

[chalsema]

Jenny, You should have posted up the funny one :P hehe

[EC]

Birdie,

Welcome to forum critiques! lol

I'm hoping that you'll share your progress with this, it's always fun to watch a project evolve. If you could peek into my client folders and look at some of my first drafts, you'd get quite a chuckle I'm sure. lol It's not magic, it's work.

Anyway, I got an email back from my old college roomate and here's the scoop:

Hmmmm…creative stuff and graphics is a little out of my league. I work in production, but it’s very dry – me and the programmers…not a lot of design work. Let me chew on it – I would say publications and print media are the two big places to start looking at that. One good idea would be to narrow down the TYPE of company she wants to work for, and get a current copy of the IBJ, listing the top companies by field/area, and then send resumes to all of them, with a letter of intent (what exactly is she looking for? Entry level graphic design?). That would be my suggestion. There are a lot of smaller publications around Indy also.

Unfortunately, my contacts in this arena are sorely lacking…but I will continue to think about it and see if anything hits me!!


So, not the bestest news, but I'll let you know if she thinks of anything.

CovertOperations, welcome to the GDF. Around these parts, we insist on respectful critiques. This is not the place to augment your criticisms with comments that are irrelevant to the discussion and disrespectful of the artist, such as "this is the quality of the work of barely passing junior students." Tell me how this helps the artist to improve the piece, I'd love to know. Harsh critiques are fine as long as your intention is to push the artist go improve and go further. But if it's just to say something shitty, you've got the wrong forum.

Mind your manners, because you wouldn't be the first to be shown the door for this type of thing.

[Birdie1483]

Thanks EC! Any news is good news right now for me. I feel like I"m at least doing SOMETHING. I"ll definately keep you posted on future drafts of my project. It's encompassing a bunch of stuff. Right now I"m mostly working on the packaging design and refining the logo. I was just in the lab and throwing some stuff out. I got some more ideas in class today for avenues I can travel down so that's what I'll be working on for awhile!

[emmerse]

High class stemware for everyday people??

=

get a shot of kool-aid being pooring into a champagne glass

:) ;)

[CovertOperations]

I am sorry if I offended you at all. I wasnt critiquing your work for an opportunity to be nasty. I do understand though that some of my comments werent necessary.
Yet while the sentiment may have been misplaced, In my honest opinion the message wasn't.

I'll try again without the useless comments lest I be "shown the door" (perhaps proportionately the need to be self-reighteous outweighs the percieved need to be nasty, and is hence probably the greater evil - but alas this is not going to help the person who asked for advice find any inspiration either).

So i inferred from your first post that you planned to use a borrowed image and that you were still waiting for permission. i understand that out in the real world many designers do not have the time (or are in an environment where someone else is paid) to capture images. At most teaching institutions though (definitely at mine), it is only acceptable for student to use borrowed images with permission, if they take up no more than 25% of the image real estate (here yours takes up around 90%). I do understand now that according to your ammendment you are planning to capture your own images, but as i said i was only going on what you said in your first post.

When it comes to my comments about the logo and the font - there indeed is nothing wrong with using a purchased or freeware font as a basis for a logo. Yet most proffessionals I have dealt with, and am taught by, would argue that any graphics tied in with the said font, should be given much greater weight than you have given yours. And while i think your graphic was a good start, i think if you gave a bit more thought to line rather than just form you could come up with a much more attention grabbing design.

When I was speaking about your dictionary definition (admittedly a little heavy handedly) I mas just trying to get at the fact that this technique is a little cliched. But as any good teacher will tell you: Cliches are Cliches for a reason - they work. I just think that the font you used and the weight of the boldness in black, did not gell so well mainly with the logo.

I am sure though that, as you said, this is a rough draft; and so as I said
"I truly believe that if this is your final major project for college, then if you put a little more work into it, you can definitely do a lot better."

So again I am sorry for my harsh criticism. I hope this more specific one will be of some benefit to your work.

And I hope that you understand that part of being a team player is being able to accept criticisms; albeit ones that seem a little harsh. And while i think it seems a lot more harsh to be threatened with being "shown the door" for my somewhat harsh criticism, than my somewhat harsh criticism was; I can see that while the sentiment was maybe a little overstated, that the intention and message was sound.

Good luck Birdie1483, I hope you take my constructive criticisms on board, and that they help. Sorry again.

[EC]

CovertOperations, I wasn't being harsh, just letting you know the forum rules since you're new. I actually welcomed you on board, I do hate to see people "shown the door."

Thank you for your thoughtful follow up. ;)