Student needs critique...

[Psychosako]

I'm new to this community. I'm tired of going to communities or friends and asking for critique and getting "this looks great!", and that's it.

I'm working on my portfolio for school. I've got 5 weeks to get it perfect. we have 15 pieces mandatory (which i think is too many for an interview, but it's better than the 21 it used to be...)

I'll be posting pieces over the next few weeks for your review. Rip me to pieces: let me know how to make it the best it really can be.

Ad Campaign

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v144/psychosako/Week07/01_AdCampaignGoth.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v144/psychosako/Week07/01_AdCampaignPunk.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v144/psychosako/Week07/01_AdCampaignRaver.jpg

Any comments welcome.

[Prince Of Pixels]

it scares me

[Ally]

Ok, first of all I really like the images. If thats photography done by you, it's great.

BUT, from the advertising perspective, you're lacking. For one, you have 3 different ads, but they all say the exact same thing. I think that each ad should have a different headline, and be unified with the same product tagline. Right now, the phrase "when you're ordinary routine isn't so ordinary" works more as a tagline, but you're utilizing it as the headline. You have to find 3 different aspects of the product that you want to sell, and create an ad for each of these aspects. THEN it would become a campaign, of course, all within the same "BIG Idea".

You've still got some work to do, but either way this is a very good start. The art direction is definetely headed in the right direction.

[AlexNJ210]

i will echo what is said above.

Another few things are:

1 Did you use yourself as the model for the pictures? Had to ask because i know how hard it is to get people to be in pictures for art classes. I ask because this is a big no no in the design world. That shows that you cannot gather the necessary people and materials for design projects.

2. Your head line in each peice contradicts your "big idea". Im speaking in layout terms. The layout of the text is very boring. Its an attractive font that fits the piece well but the placement in no way reflects, reinforces, or sells the product.

3 The company name at the bottom right. It was the last thing i read and i only saw it after a second look. Play with the size more, i feel it should be larger, and place something next to it or behind to add contrast. It should stand out more.

That concludes my bout at tearing you apart;). Good luck. I know how you are stressing. Im graduating at the end of this week and i just finished my senior thesis exhibition. We take two semesters to plan(mostly) and produce a final cohesive senior thesis project for display at the senior exhibition at the end of the year. I posted a thread here (http://www.graphicdesignforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=13971) about my planning and progress. I will post the pictures from the show soon.

[balou]

I'd lose the second one all together. Looks like she was beat up and why the image of a gun?

It took me a while to figure out the ads were for cosmetics. That message needs to be strengthened.

[Epectasis]

if this is you, you're cute.

but i totally dont get what you're trying to portray.

i mean it's just an image...doesnt say anything else to me. even with the tag line.

so far, you've posted two image like pieces, do you have anything that without image? Like typography design (typographics is pretty good at that stuff) ? So far i've noticed that that can get you far...as well as layout design and such things.

Oh and 15 pieces isnt too much. it's just enough...

[cjoe]

i'm not feeling the connection between the illustrative and photographic elements. There just seems to be a rift between the two, maybe some subtle integration/intertwining of the two will help you get a more finished look. At the moment it looks like the illustrations are just stuck ontop of the photos.

[distruktor]

i'd revisit the way you have darkened the edges of the shots... i can tell you have used a black airbush and then multiplied it try using some of the other tools in photoshop like lighting effects and the burn tool aswell... and build up layers to create subtle depth.

im not to sure about the logo, dunno, maybe its just the colour actually, its a really bright red try adding 10-15% black in to it to just darken it off abit.

Id work on the typography a bit too, for something that isnt supposed to be ordinary the type is a bit ordinary have a look at these guys:

http://www.non-format.com/

their type rocks... im not saying do exactly like what they do but it might be some food for thought.

hope that was of some help

dis.

[orkaknos12]

It would make a good ad for deviantART.com

-Jon

[cjoe]

I just had a thought, they kinda look like community service advertisements, "Violence against women; Australia says NO!"

It would make a good ad for deviantART.com

-Jon

yep.^

great link distruktor,

Personally, I really like the designchapel style as well (http://www.designchapel.com), maybe not quite grungy enough for this kind of thing. I love his subversive take on nuns, quite funny really.

Good luck!

[tZ]

seems like your more concerned with decor then communicating a message because I fail to see the any connection between the imagery and typography which can even begin to convey some type of communication.

Ok… after looking at it further I think I have it is it- when your ordinary routine isn't so ordinary meaning doing something different or contrasting of what others do?- such as; getting dressed up? If it is I really like the concept but, the execution needs to be modified alot. All the decor is really taking away from the message. The photograph works well to convey that concept and the composition doesn't need decor… it just looks choppy.

With that said, even though I like the concept I fail to see an active connection in branding something. I would quess this is for some cosmetic line or something- lipstick? However, I really have no clue.

So I like the idea/concept but, the design aspect (composition) needs to be modified.

Also, I'm not really feeling the type. I am and I'm, not at the same time. maybe find a face that is ordinary and not at the same time to further communicate your idea through the type. I can't really think of any examples right now but, maybe you can.

These have definate potential though. As for now though I wouldn't advise putting them in my portfolio. Cause compositionally… they are lacking design. Cause right now what it looks like to me is that you used the decor as a support factor for not "knowing" how to design- set up an active compostion- at least thats my opinion.

I thought about your type situation a bit and maybe combine a serif and sans serif face to create the type. What I mean is have there be a serif on one side of the letter and not on the other- if you get that idea.

good luck though

edit:

Ok I saw the advance warning cosmetics so i assume I'm right about the cosmetics. So what I would do is make that more evident… cause I glanced over it initailly and just thought it said warning.

[Psychosako]

BUT, from the advertising perspective, you're lacking. For one, you have 3 different ads, but they all say the exact same thing. I think that each ad should have a different headline, and be unified with the same product tagline. Right now, the phrase "when you're ordinary routine isn't so ordinary" works more as a tagline, but you're utilizing it as the headline. You have to find 3 different aspects of the product that you want to sell, and create an ad for each of these aspects. THEN it would become a campaign, of course, all within the same "BIG Idea".

THANK YOU. i knew it was missing something, and i'm pretty sure this is what i felt like was missing.


1 Did you use yourself as the model for the pictures? Had to ask because i know how hard it is to get people to be in pictures for art classes. I ask because this is a big no no in the design world. That shows that you cannot gather the necessary people and materials for design projects.

Actually, a friend of mine is a makeup artist, and i had her do these for me. (It's this woman: http://www.alwaysmadeup.com/ ). Yes, acquiring art for assignments is very difficult, but networking via the internet with friends that model or do photography has benefitted me alot.


2. Your head line in each peice contradicts your "big idea". Im speaking in layout terms. The layout of the text is very boring. Its an attractive font that fits the piece well but the placement in no way reflects, reinforces, or sells the product.

3 The company name at the bottom right. It was the last thing i read and i only saw it after a second look. Play with the size more, i feel it should be larger, and place something next to it or behind to add contrast. It should stand out more.

I concur. Might you have any suggestions on where i can place objects without obstructing the photography too much?

I'd lose the second one all together. Looks like she was beat up and why the image of a gun?

It took me a while to figure out the ads were for cosmetics. That message needs to be strengthened.

She's becuase it's not light fluffy makeup, and it is of a different genre. The idea is "goth", "punk", and "raver".

And that is a key, not a gun. If you recognized it as a gun, do you think others will? Should i make more of the key apparent so they make the connection quicker?

i'd revisit the way you have darkened the edges of the shots... i can tell you have used a black airbush and then multiplied it try using some of the other tools in photoshop like lighting effects and the burn tool aswell... and build up layers to create subtle depth.

actually, it's really just a black gradient to transparent. I can attempt to make this more subtle. I find it kind of stark too.

Id work on the typography a bit too, for something that isnt supposed to be ordinary the type is a bit ordinary have a look at these guys:

http://www.non-format.com/

their type rocks... im not saying do exactly like what they do but it might be some food for thought.

hope that was of some help

dis.


Typography has always been a weak spot, which sucks becuase i love it so much. Thank you for the link.


So I like the idea/concept but, the design aspect (composition) needs to be modified.

The target audience are women who wear a full, fancy face of makeup every day, all day. I seem to be having trouble getting my point across (especially as far as what exactly it is i'm trying to sell). My instructors want me to put a product placement, but i HATE the idea. ick.

[AlexNJ210]

I concur. Might you have any suggestions on where i can place objects without obstructing the photography too much?

simply put, away from the center. These photographs have a center weighted composition. Everything is in the center so there is room for objects and text around the entirety of the subject. This also may help reinforce the face as the focal point of the piece.

[Psychosako]

I concur. Might you have any suggestions on where i can place objects without obstructing the photography too much?

simply put, away from the center. These photographs have a center weighted composition. Everything is in the center so there is room for objects and text around the entirety of the subject. This also may help reinforce the face as the focal point of the piece.

I really did want to shift around the composition of the photography, but there isn't really space enough on either side for it to be shifted around, and i don't have time to photoshop in more space. Though i'll probably end up doing that anyway.

[cj2a]

Hi, here's my two cents' worth:

I like your photos, but am not sure about the center-weightedness of the them...I actually think if you cropped these off-center they would help the layout. You said there's not much outside the crop, so that may not be an option.

I'm not feeling the corner treatments...I see where you're headed, but it's not quite there. The suggestion above to weave them/integrate them into the photo is a good one, maybe this could be done by having different parts of the illustration occupy different opacity layers...not sure. Maybe consider just using illustration in the top right corner, leaving the lower left for a bit of copy? I dig the upper right look of #3, and I dig the lower left of #3, but not together. If you do have opposing corners, I'd recommend the illustration style being similar, these are a bit too different from each other. I also think similar style across the three ads, as there are several styles throughout.

Existing headline could be your tagline and close to the logo. Logo larger. I agree with three unique headline concepts.

All of this is fine tuning what I think is a great start. Good luck with your review.

[patkennedy78]

The target audience are women who wear a full, fancy face of makeup every day, all day. I seem to be having trouble getting my point across (especially as far as what exactly it is i'm trying to sell). My instructors want me to put a product placement, but i HATE the idea. ick.

Here's an idea for the product placement, although I'm not sure what the product is. I'm thinking obviously a cosmetic prodcut, like lipstick or foundation or whatever. I'd sketch it up in the white pencil style you have around the edges. Like instead of the fairy or gun/key type image, put in a styleized eye shadow brush or mascara brush. Not by itself and all super obvious, but just in with everything else, and maybe, just maybe a line of copy, in a kind of handwriting style that says "mayhem mascara" or some line about what your advertising and where to get it.

On the lines of no product placement...that's a tough sell. This is advertising, your targeting a group of people for one reason, to buy a product, you can't buy something if you don't know what it is. I imagine you presenting this in an interview, and the agency or art director having to ask what this ad is for. Long story short, your selling, tell us what the product is. If your consumer has to dig to find out what something is they'll sadly enough loose interest.

[Psychosako]

While a few things still need to be tweaked, i'd really like the input of you guys on the forum. It's kind of big, but this way you can see the body copy.

Yes, the colors in that first frame are a touch too loud, and are competing. I will shift that. I also have yet to fiddle with that black gradient. I don't have time to tweak the composition of the photography.

Any comments on typography and placement would be well appreciated.

http://think.sh/stein/sako/school/01_Ada.jpg


If the forum sizes it down (and i'm sure it will), here's the addy.
http://think.sh/stein/sako/school/01_Ada.jpg

[cjoe]

Well i think the consistency is a good start. I think you should move the "make them ____ for you" type away from the product description. Then you would have a more effective visual triangle: observe...

http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/7532/01adaln4.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

[cjoe]

don't use helvetica like i did though. ;)