How would you improve this advert

[zunkus]

Ok, I've just done this press advert visual for a Secure car park company.
How would you imrove it. I've given this quite some thought so I'm anxious as to what your ideas might be.
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y110/zunkus/adverts/4752-PortomasoSecureparki.jpg

[chalsema]

The big brown arrow is fighting with the police officer. Is the arrow necessary? I feel like it's creating an uncomfortable tension.

[twogun]

hi zunkus, hows tricks?

in my opinon the ad is nearly there, the thing that most offends me is the opening hours down the right hand side...... to correct/ammend i would....

move the image to bleed off the right hand side of the ad, lengthen the arrow accordingly and drop the text "park your car.." onto two lines not three, the text "benefit etc" can go up below this and then the opening hours can run along the bottom of the ad.

i like the way yo have created as bogus area for the image to ground against without setting to the bottom of the ad, nice touch with the elbow too!!

hope that helps, and makes sense for that matter.....

[SharkFinStudios]

I have to agree about the arrow. What if you lost the arrow altogether and had a well designed headline? I like the layout for the most part. The logo seems to be hanging off of the edge of her shirt. It should drop down a bit to fit in that empty space.

What, may I ask, is the brown peeled back image on the bottom left supposed to represent? If it is to be like paper pulled back I would exaggerate it further. Make it pronounced so the viewer doesn't have to try to figure out the design.

If you decide to take some of these ideas and change your design at all, please post it. I'd love to see it.

Cheers and good luck!

[patkennedy78]

My 1st impression is more friendly meter reader than tough security guard. This is the response I think you get from an smiling woman in your ad. I agree with chalsema on the brown arrow, definatly competing for attention and for me it's distracting. I'd try to right align the text in the blue box as well.

Overall the add is effective in communicating the message, you just need to work on your alignment of the elements and text. The attachment is the best way I can illustrate this.

The car's perspective is a little off to be sitting in her hand. A little distortion may fix this. I don't think the page rip / curl is effective, it looks a little akward. I think the benefit from our rates word block needs to be cleaned up. The "Great Contract Card Rates" is in one text weight, but on seperate lines, I'd put them on the same line under "Benefit from our" then the number like you have it.

The area by her elbow is really cluttered, you have 4 elements overlapping in that one area. I'd drop the Portomaso logo down and align it with the bottom of the phone number. As well as left align the "convient....." line with the Park you car block in the white.

Hope that helps you out.

[Broacher]

I'm looking at it from a message/objective strategy standpoint.

Aside from the visual, what's the biggest heading? "Your car's security in our hands". Forgive me for trying to put myself into the mind of someone who could afford a car valuable enough to be considered thief worthy, but if I was... would I trust a company that couldn't figure out how to construct a simple sentence? Why not, "Your car's security is in our hands." At least that's a complete sentence. It's also a statement. As is, "Park your car at Portamaso's and enjoy worry-free parking 24/7." Only, at least judging by the hours stated-- it's not 24/7. So, now I'm wondering, why should I accept ANY of these claims?

Interesting choice of car model. An expensive looking convertible with it's top down? How realistic is that? I mean, parking such a vehicle with it's top down?

Anyhow, the least that the visual could do is SHOW ME an example, or some portrayal of HOW truthful your 'worry-free' claim can be. Right now, it looks totally contrived. From the 'fashion model' face to the Photoshopped in car... I don't trust anything I'm seeing. And THAT'S what you need to sell with your visuals and copy-- trust. That's what you have to prove.

[Samakimoto Graphics]

I'm looking at it from a message/objective strategy standpoint.

Aside from the visual, what's the biggest heading? "Your car's security in our hands". Forgive me for trying to put myself into the mind of someone who could afford a car valuable enough to be considered thief worthy, but if I was... would I trust a company that couldn't figure out how to construct a simple sentence? Why not, "Your car's security is in our hands." At least that's a complete sentence. It's also a statement. As is, "Park your car at Portamaso's and enjoy worry-free parking 24/7." Only, at least judging by the hours stated-- it's not 24/7. So, now I'm wondering, why should I accept ANY of these claims?

Interesting choice of car model. An expensive looking convertible with it's top down? How realistic is that? I mean, parking such a vehicle with it's top down?

Anyhow, the least that the visual could do is SHOW ME an example, or some portrayal of HOW truthful your 'worry-free' claim can be. Right now, it looks totally contrived. From the 'fashion model' face to the Photoshopped in car... I don't trust anything I'm seeing. And THAT'S what you need to sell with your visuals and copy-- trust. That's what you have to prove.


As much as I agree with the layout pointers...I have to agree with Broacher as well.

Eliminate all the other elements and just have your security guard lady and the car in hand on a large bill board along a highway... Based on "The eight second impression" what would your impression be?

[CamarotaDesign]

Gotta agree 100% with twogun. First thing that I really noticed that didnt look good were the hours on the right hand side. They dont belong in there. I think once you smooth that out, it will look much nicer, and easier to find what looks best for the finished piece. It's well on its way though, and looks nice, just smooth out those other things that people have mentioned here. Good choice of colors, dark blue is always an appropriate dominate choice for security /authority designs. all in all, thumbs up!

hi zunkus, hows tricks?

in my opinon the ad is nearly there, the thing that most offends me is the opening hours down the right hand side...... to correct/ammend i would....

move the image to bleed off the right hand side of the ad, lengthen the arrow accordingly and drop the text "park your car.." onto two lines not three, the text "benefit etc" can go up below this and then the opening hours can run along the bottom of the ad.

i like the way yo have created as bogus area for the image to ground against without setting to the bottom of the ad, nice touch with the elbow too!!

hope that helps, and makes sense for that matter.....

[zunkus]

Thank you all for your suggestions and thoughts.
I'd like to remind you that the photo is a mock-up which will be replaced by the final picture later.
The idea of making a girl as a security guard and the cabriolet car was the art director's, I have no control over that as it's already been discussed with the client. They said something about promoting female workers and that the place is so secure you can leave your open topped car there.
Also the text comes to me from our copywriter. Can't change a word without his consent. I don't know how you guys operate but we've got quite a bit of beaurocracy here.

TwoGun, as usual you're right!
I took your suggestions and the ad looks better for it. Thanks mate.
http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y110/zunkus/adverts/4752-PortomasoSecurelow-1.jpg

[Broacher]

>>the place is so secure you can leave your open topped car there<<

That says a lot more than the existing copy/photo combo. Why not just show this? A picture of a happy customer standing beside his/her shiny, open-topped convertible (with a security staffer-- female, or whatever) would be much more convincing to me, and picked up with just a glance.

And can still explain to me why you need to post times if you're claiming 24/7 service?

Not to appear sexist here, but if I was going to be parking my Porsche Boxster convertible somewhere, would I feel more worry free against car thieves if I saw a fresh, young lady guard smiling at me as I entered the lot, or some grizzled, beefier-looking, marine sergeant with a rock jaw and billy stick? Call me old-fashioned...

[zunkus]

Bloacher, let me explain myself again.
I do not choose the images.
I do not write the text.
These are given to me and my job is to do a design as best I can from these.
The above are somebody else's job.
The times have the parking rates next to them.

[SnowAngel]

Zunkus, I can totally appreciate about beaurocracy...sometimes there's really only so much you can do, and when it's already been decided, it makes the job truly a challenge. I really like how your advert is shaping up! The clean-up with the alignments has really given it the structure it needs. Good stuff. :)

However, visually, I'm still not sure if the arrow and the security guard's head are working together - they seem to be competing.

[Navian]

And can still explain to me why you need to post times if you're claiming 24/7 service?

The times posted are like "office hours", open and closing times for picking up, or dropping off your car. The 24/7 to me means that there are people who are actualy watching and protecting your car 24/7.

As far as the design, I like the 2nd, but can you lose those brown ">" ?
I believe it will improve the design if you could.

[Broacher]

Zunkus,

I've been doing the in-house corporate design for nearly two decades now-- I really know exactly what you're talking about when you say it's "somebody else's job". On the other hand, I know what it can do to your professional confidence and spirit (not to mention portfolio) if you use that rationale for too long. Afterall, it's your career, your portfolio.

Start small-- suggest or ask one critical change or question. Craft your questions carefully, and be prepared to listen and discuss them intelligently, at the time where they'll make the most impact. The key is to develop an objective presence of mind where everyone feels part of a professional creative team, where opinions matter as long as they result in getting you closer to the ideal of 'the best you can possibly do'.

This kind of change isn't handed to you, or anyone. It's a long, very long trail, full of setbacks, emotions, and lots of risk. And that's the hard part. Getting everyone on board about taking the creative risk--because that's one job which SHOULD belong to everyone if real professional growth is ever gonna happen.

And even if it doesn't-- the very experience of trying to implement a change in the team's attitude of the design process will have long-term dividends for you. Whether it's client relations, or a new job-- the ability to be a critical part of the creative strategy and navigate all that--it can make all the difference between becoming just another down-trodden prod or an honest to goodness graphic designer.

Sorry if that's too preachy, but you did ask 'what would YOU do?'

All the best.

[steve2112]

Well when I get a job and it like that with a customer this is what i do.

1. Do it exactly as they intend to see it more or less.
2. Do another one the way they wanted with your ideas pushed in.
Do hat you need to do here. elimanate text organize however you want.
Really use you head logically.
3. Show both. If you are right, which most likely you are(the client is always
stupid), then your ad will pop and be much more enticing to potential
customer. Unfortunetely the client still won't like it but you tried
4. Keep yours for you portfolio and give the client the one they want.

Steve

[JaCkinbOx]

URRRAAGGHH!! HULK PROTECT CAR FOR YOU!!

Now, that's what I'm talkin' about. Right on, Broacher.

[Eraser Nubbin]

Well when I get a job and it like that with a customer this is what i do.

1. Do it exactly as they intend to see it more or less.
2. Do another one the way they wanted with your ideas pushed in.
Do hat you need to do here. elimanate text organize however you want.
Really use you head logically.
3. Show both. If you are right, which most likely you are(the client is always
stupid), then your ad will pop and be much more enticing to potential
customer. Unfortunetely the client still won't like it but you tried
4. Keep yours for you portfolio and give the client the one they want.

Steve

Totally.
I think sometimes clients have trouble visualizing how things will look in the end. If you can show them there version and your version it can save their pride a little as opposed to you just telling them their idea will look like bum. Also if you can throw together a combined offering with your thoughts combined with a bit of their input can also allow the client to feel like they still had a hand in the process and save their pride even further.

[zunkus]

Hi again,

It's difficult to fully communicate on an open forum sometimes. Ego plays its part in that you don't want to look stupid or unprofessional but I still weigh the good side that you always learn something in the end, if not you someone else. Its easy to fall into the godlike person in our business, for instance we sometimes see our competitors' printed annual report for a company 'A', and start sayin things like, "I would have done this or that" but we always forget the frustration of compromise, mostly going in the wrong direction. It's easy to say I wouldn't do this or that, but in reality especially when you work for a big company you just have your say up to a point, as in the end all you'll be doing is bad things for the company in driving a client away and people may start loosing jobs. It may sound extreem but this is real life. I've been there. I'm not preachin here as I know you fully understand what I'm sayin. Just pouring my heart out. It's not all bad; as clients may actually drive you through a nice new road which you normally wouldn't take. A friend once told me, "always remember, in our job we're designers first, artists second". This says a lot, when I paint I can do what I want because I'm my own client, but when I'm commissioned I have to take out my balancing aparatus again.

[Broacher]

Zunkus, you've made some great points. In the end, the question isn't so much "what can I do to improve this advert" as it is "what can I do to improve this client's attitude or understanding". Some clients demand that we just grin, nod our head, and move through and then on hoping for hope for the next one.

And I think you're right to maintain an open mind and heart and look for any good parts you can find, even while being forced to do what you know goes against your professional judgement. That attitude says as much about your professionalism as any layout proposal could.

Salute.