Writer's block on ad campaign

[EndorHothAgency]

This postcard-sized ad is intended to be an inexpensive mailer for a friend of mine who runs his own I.T. company. Our target is small- to medium-sized businesses. We want to emphasize his affordability while at the same time convincing owners that data security is important in today's online environment.

Following is the ad text:

----
I own a small business. We dye shoes for weddings.

Last week, hackers tried to break into our computer system to steal our customers’ credit card numbers.

Good thing for us, I was prepared.
[And so on...]
----

My goal for this ad is to be personal: a "fellow" business owner describing a costly, but believable, problem that can result from insufficient data security on one's business network. I'd like to use as few words as possible to describe the situation and use the back of the card to provide the reason why my friend's company is the solution. At this point, I feel as if what I have is way too wordy. Should I cut it down to headline/billboard length and include the detail on the back?

As I mentioned, the budget is limited, so I'm using free stock photography. My other concern is whether this woman seems credible as a business owner. I tried to pick a female in an engaging (but not suggestive) pose who seemed a little artsy, but still professional. The type of business is not important, so long as we can build a story that fits around it. Shoe dying was just the concept I came up with.

I'm sorry for posting such an incomplete ad, but I've been suffering from writer's block on this ad for a few weeks and I could really use the help. :o

Thank you!!!

[cornfed]

My dyeing business could have died last week had hackers succeeded. Fortunately, I was prepared. My secure network ensures I can go on dyeing to make a living.

sorry, I'll leave now.

[Jackimalyn]

is that a real business? dting shoes for weddings?? If this is hypothetical, id think of a new business to be protected against hackers... I just dont get it. im more distracted by this strange business than with a hack-protection product.

[EndorHothAgency]

yes, brides and bridesmaids have their shoes dyed to match their dresses before weddings. the benefit of this example would be that we have a built-in reason for a time-sensitive client service.

[Jackimalyn]

I get it, it doesnt sound crazy now.

Do you need to explain a business though? Or can you just say, "I own a small business. Last week, blah blah blah..." If you really want to incorporate the business in the ad, Id incorporate it not only in the copy but in the visuals too. Sorry I cant help with what you really asked about... lol-

[Broacher]

Don't over design. Courier. White on black. Don't believe me? Ask the DM experts. If this is a real 'testimonial', don't interfere or risk reader skepticism with the message by placing a photo (unless it's the actual testifier). The words, naked, plain and real, will have the most shock value. That's what works in these 'fear' campaigns (well, on most of us, anyhow).

I'd bet my shoes on it.

[BJMRGTIVR6]

the woman looks more casual than woried. maybe it is because she has the IT company's help and needs not worry but i don't feel the impact (no pun intended) that the photo "should" have. maybe one of grief or maybe a closer/tighter shot would be better to get that in-your-face shocking eyes.

as for wording, sorry, just back from lunch and nothing hits me now.

[EndorHothAgency]

this, of course, is not a real testimonial. it's actually intended to be more an illustration of what can go wrong if your company's network is not protected than a testimonial.

while i agree with your point about not "over-designing," i think, in this case, dropping the photo and going with a B&W ad with Courier type kind of negates the whole point of "advertising design"...

BJMR, good point, but again, i'm kind of at the mercy of the stock photo gods. i could crop her in a little to make her more engaging. as long as she doesn't look too young or hip, that's my main concern. also, she does "have" the services of the IT company.

[cornfed]

I think her shirt being black and white striped is reminiscent of prison garb. Maybe a different model? I was kidding in my earlier post copy in one sense. But, I think that if you're going to have a lot of copy then it'll need to be something catchy to make people keep on reading.

[Broacher]

>>this, of course, is not a real testimonial. it's actually intended to be more an illustration of what can go wrong if your company's network is not protected than a testimonial.<<

I'm gone. The message has in effect become: we want to sell you something we think you need. It will help protect your business against fraud artists. Like the one we made up on the front side of this card.

You are selling trust, in a sense. Why resort to fictional first-person testimonials? Why not even find a real statistic instead? Does that really earn a lot of trust in the message--especially if you're using the fear strategy? It's also answering that ol' Q: "How dumb do you think I am?"

How about changing things to read something like: "In 2006, computer hackers stole an estimated $6,300,000* from Buffalo businesses and their customer credit card accounts. What have you done to protect your business?"

*-- of course, whatever you can get from the local fraud squad. And maybe footnote it to mention that much more goes unreported in order to protect business reputations.

That's another angle. Reputation. If you're going to fictionalize....

"You've got a reputation. How much is it worth to you to protect it?"

Even just as words, that can be a pretty enticing hook-in.

[Jackimalyn]

while i agree with your point about not "over-designing," i think, in this case, dropping the photo and going with a B&W ad with Courier type kind of negates the whole point of "advertising design"...

That is design when its used right. Etrade uses it a lot.

http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j139/jackimalyn/Ad_eTrade.jpg

[EndorHothAgency]

and that would be my point. there is an effective use of color and typography in that ad. again, the ad i posted earlier is in the very rough sketch stage.

now... the example of fraud we use is real; we're not setting up a witch hunt. as for the method we're using... this technique is used often: in the IBM server ads... the Geico TV spots with "real" customers... the OnStar radio ads featuring "real" callers. are they truly "real" customers? (no.) does it even matter to anyone? (i don't think so.)

we're not giving a name and a company here; we're just presenting a situation, which is essentially what all advertising does. outside of advertising professionals, i really don't believe people get hung up on whether the people in the ad are paid actors or genuine customers.

[Jackimalyn]

i really don't believe people get hung up on whether the people in the ad are paid actors or genuine customers.

They dont consciously care, but they want to believe that the person is real. If your actor (usually not a real customer) isnt believeable, you'll use all credibility to your potential customers.

Out of curiosity, is this a school assignment?

[budafist]

The original copy reads like spam to me. I really dislike fake testimonials. You can smell it a mile away. I'm not going to trust a company that builds itself on fake testimonials. No way. Get rid of the model too.

[Jackimalyn]

nevermind, im an idiot... its for your friend... got it...

[EndorHothAgency]

yes, exactly, which is why i want to take care that the ad appears credible.

and, no, this is not a school assignment. it's for a friend who has an IT company.

i should probably note again, the copy being used in the ad is only to give a rough idea of what i'm shooting for. i'm not happy with it, but i don't have anyone to bounce ideas off of, which is why i'm trying to get some help here.

allow me to re-set the main questions:

+ short paragraph, or headline only, on front of postcard?
+ any rough ideas for copy to use?
+ does the woman look credible as a business owner?

thanks...

[Jackimalyn]

how bout something like this?

http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j139/jackimalyn/success-image1492320.jpg
its diverse, its positive. perfect

[EndorHothAgency]

1) not free, 2) trying to convey a more serious feeling...

[Jackimalyn]

im just kidding... hey where you gettin free stock images??? thats awesome... but that one that i just posted is $1 on dreamstime.com

[EndorHothAgency]

sorry, sarcasm filter is broken today...

i get 99% of my stock photos from this site: http://www.sxc.hu/

[Jackimalyn]

awesome, thanks for the link!

[PrintDriver]

The only time an actor in an ad burns me is when they are portraying a doctor, nurse or other medical professional to sell a product.

Most times I just assume the advertiser is lying anyway until proven otherwise.
:D

[EndorHothAgency]

that's what we do in this business!!!

[budafist]

The only time an actor in an ad burns me is when they are portraying a doctor, nurse or other medical professional to sell a product.

Most times I just assume the advertiser is lying anyway until proven otherwise.
:D

True, I revoke my previous statement then.

[Broacher]

Acting is a form of entertainment. If the concept/strategy respects this, we don't really care who it is, just make it good.

It's only when the acting fails to entertain that we get very suspicious and resentful.

[tZ]

Pardon me for saying this but, nothing on your advertisment is very interesting. Nothing really grabs me or makes me want to read it. Your image is pretty straight forward and the same is true with your copy.

So right now your strategy is that data security is important in todays world because of advances in technology that make it easy for people to steal information- right?

Perhaps instead telling use what we allready know concentrate on the adverse effects of this "data" theft. Then base that on what people fear lossing. Since, people only care about themselves anyway. This way you are using the product to remedy a fear rather then just a straight forward testimonial. People will become interested in your add based on the desire to not lose what they allready have. Cause in short that is your stratgey in the simplest of forms- not lossing what they allready have.

You could expand on this idea using objects that would have nothing to do with IT storage. Instead perhaps use everyday objects that we all have and show the adverse effects if they were stolen or lost. Perhaps find a way that makes these objects easily obtainable by others.

One idea that comes to mind is how everyone has a house. Instead perhaps show the house frame only without the walls and have a headline relating back to the idea of srtolen goods. Saing something along the lines of not having security on yourcomputer is like not having walls to your home- its easy for people to get in and out and take what they want- hopefully you get the gist of the idea. This way people will see your image and be entised to read on based on your bent image- its unordinary or highly unlikly to find a house without walls- where its just the frame.

Another idea that comes to mind would be someones car. Perhaps have it so that the windows are rolled down and the key is in the ignition. That isn't really a bent image but, you could perhaps push that further.

People also like to protect there money. So maybe find a way to relate that back to the the same idea.

[EndorHothAgency]

no, tZ, you're exactly right. thats why i'm here. :)

good ideas, i'll think on them and talk with my friend.

true story: i once warned my mother about Internet security when she first got her high-speed connection; about people "sneaking in throught the back door." for days, she was concerned about someone breaking into the house... :rolleyes:

[Jackimalyn]

if you're really worried about people sneaking in, you could just buy a mac...

[tZ]

EndorHothAgency wrote:


true story: i once warned my mother about Internet security when she first got her high-speed connection; about people "sneaking in throught the back door." for days, she was concerned about someone breaking into the house...


That brings an interesting idea to mind. Since, your targeting business's have a image of the back alley way with the door open. However, have image so you can clearly see its night and that this buisness hould promably be closed.

Then create a headline that dovetails those ideas together. So that your are saying indirectly- Not having security is like leaving the back door open. Your could make your headline: come one come all or perhaps all are welcome. This way your creating some tension in that normally people would enter through the front door but, they are being invited to enter through thew back door which isn't quite right- which should make them want to read on.

Even better you could set one of those welcome matts outside the back door to have your image hold most of the communitive value.