Poo in the kitchen

[budafist]

OK, this morning when I went into the staff room kitchen, there was a lump of something brown on the kitchen floor. I dismissed it and walked around it. Now that it's had a chance to permeate and stink up the air, I have realised is definately poo. I'm not planning to pick it up, but I'm thinking that everyone around here feels the same way.

Just felt like sharing.

[Drazan]

ugh!

um...how can there be poo in your workplace on the staff room kitchen floor?

do I really want to know?

[budafist]

I hope that it is dog poo and someone had on their shoe. The alternative doesn't bear thinking about.

We've got some sales reps coming in for a meeting. I wonder if the poo will still be in there. It's one thing to have your staff avoiding poo in the kitchen. It's another when outsiders are doing the same. Oh well, at least they're not clients.

[budafist]

I'm trying to think, maybe it's a disgruntled worker. Entirely possible given the past few weeks...

[Red Kittie Kat]

Ooooh man thats gross....... but rather funny at the same time :D


... and no I wouldn't be picking it up either ... good Lord! :eek:

[CatintheHat1]

You should spill a little something yellow alongside it (yes, yes, I AM bored...just entertain me).

[budafist]

Ha! That's a good idea CatintheHat!

I just checked on it as I was passing through the kitchen. It's still there but a bit flatter so I guess someone stepped on it. You would think that the person that stepped on it would clean it up. But no :rolleyes:

[Red Kittie Kat]

blechhhh!!!! Now I'm gonna be sick! lmaoo :D

[cornfed]

Wow! What a problem to have! Do let us know what happens! Is it like human turd size or like puppy poo size?

[CatintheHat1]

Too bad you couldn't videotape people's reactions to it. LOL

[budafist]

I promise this is the first time I've seen poo in the kitchen.

It's the size of a ferroro rocher. Not a large steamy one, just a small uh...bite sized portion.

http://www.buonitalia.com/files/CPB00000/492.jpg

[morea]

twice where I used to work they found poo on the floor in the stall of the "lady's" room. Each time a supervisor had to go in and confirm that it was, in fact, human excrement.

Now that I think about it, I am not sure how they could tell that it was human in origin... maybe all supervisors had their own copy of "CSI: The Home Game".

[CatintheHat1]

"Could staff members whose names begin with the letters A though L please report to the nurse's office and be prepared to provide a stool sample..."

[morea]

uh oh... through L? That means I am next!

*runs to vending machine to pick up a Baby Ruth candy bar*

[CatintheHat1]

Boy, I really like shooting the sh1t like this..hehe (Cat said a bad word)

[morea]

ooh, do you play paintball? :D

[CatintheHat1]

LOL. No. My kids do...I'm old...I'm vewwwwwyyyy olddddddd

[morea]

oh, suuuure, all this talk of shooting was just a tease! :p

[CatintheHat1]

Oh not necessarily. Once you hit my age it's fine to use real guns, chances are you'll get off with diminished capacity. You know all those news stories about old folks losing control of cars and running over neighbours..?? You only THINK they're accidents do to senility. Most of them are revenge killings for long-held grudges. (I'm *only* 44, btw).

[morea]

bah, no more age excuses for you then! 44 isn't remotely old! (Nice try though!) :D

[frankster]

What a fabulous moment for me to share my own special poo story with you.

When I was in my first year at university, living in a shared flat of 7 girls we had strange incidents of poo being left outside our front door on the carpet in the communal hallway outside the flat. Sometimes it was in a pizza box, sometimes a takeaway tray and then sometimes it would just be lying there all lonely and exposed with no container. We thought there must be some prankster out there with a grudge against one of us, but couldn't figure out who might be doing it. We just gave the cleaning ladies lots of praise and occasionally bought them a box of sweets or something to make up for them having to clean our admirer's bum trinkets.

Before long it got worse and we would get phone calls late at night with an eerie voice on the line saying "poo for you tonight!" and then hang up. Sometimes they would be nice enough to warn us that it was going to be a "big poo" for us. The crescendo came when our assailant must have purged his wicked little body with laxatives, defecated into a Ragu jar and dripped (yes, you heard me, DRIPPED) his squitty bum mess all over our front door.

After this little incident, it was clearly time for the security guards to ramp up surveillance. They tapped our phone line and when the next poo call came in they traced it and then all ran around in their black uniforms with their walky talkie headsets playing mission impossible until they snagged the culprits on the front lawn of the building complex in a rugby tackling stylee!

Turns out it was the boys flat two doors down from us and apparently three of them had a crush on three of the girls in our flat and had been turned down at the start of term. Nice! They got kicked out.

How's that for an epic potty tale?

Best of luck with your mystery nugget Buda

[cornfed]

That's so funny in it's own sick way!

[hewligan]

So are you trying to say this might be a present for Buda from her secret admirer?

[frankster]

could be, could be. Heed the call Buda, before your admirer takes more drastic measures!

[Riya]

How do we know that it's a message for Buda and not for one of her workmates? Wait, it's in the kitchen, it's got to be for Buda!

[budafist]

That's a great story Frank, but my admirer would have to work much harder than that little nugget they presented! Pathetic!

[hewligan]

That's a great story Frank, but my admirer would have to work much harder than that little nugget they presented! Pathetic!


Are you sure you want them to work harder?

[budafist]

No. I was just kidding.

[Red Kittie Kat]

omg .. I am laughing so hard right now I have to pee!


I have never in my life heard of this stuff ... I must have been sheltered ... and here all these years I was upset that I don't get flowers ... I guess considering what I could have gotten its not so bad :D

[hewligan]

omg .. I am laughing so hard right now I have to pee!

Well just don't do it in the kitchen! :D

[cornfed]

good one, Hewligan!

[Red Kittie Kat]

lmaooooo ... I know it sounds crazy in light of this thread .. but I usually save that for the loo :D

[urstwile]

Wow, a thread about workplace kitchen poo. Awesome. :rolleyes:

[frankster]

Another explanation could be that a member of the workforce there has some kind of spastic bowel disorder and just accidentally gave birth to a belgian in the kitchen without noticing. After all, that Sumthin' chick dropped a chocolate botty plop on flava flav's red carpet in the last season of Flavor of love (don't watch it, but heard about it on The Soup). I guess if you have a spastic colon / crazy ass / trigger happy sphincter / whatever, then you wouldn't be going comando though.

[hewligan]

lmaooooo ... I know it sounds crazy in light of this thread .. but I usually save that for the loo :D

But then how will you ever let boys know you like them? :D

[Seapony]

Another explanation could be that a member of the workforce there has some kind of spastic bowel disorder and just accidentally gave birth to a belgian in the kitchen without noticing. After all, that Sumthin' chick dropped a chocolate botty plop on flava flav's red carpet in the last season of Flavor of love (don't watch it, but heard about it on The Soup). I guess if you have a spastic colon / crazy ass / trigger happy sphincter / whatever, then you wouldn't be going comando though.
:eek:

LMAO, Frankster, you've just become my new heroine!

OMG...my sides...

:D

[Red Kittie Kat]

Oh fear not I have a special back of tricks for that lol :D

[budafist]

... but I usually save that for the loo :D

Usually, not always? Where do you put those things during not-so-usual times Kittie?

[tuliptree]

Next time I hear an old lady saying "kitchy kitchy poo" and scratching someone's chin, I'll be thinking something entirely different than I did before.

[Red Kittie Kat]

Usually, not always? Where do you put those things during not-so-usual times Kittie?




Well ......

There has been the occasional behind the tree occurrence on a camping trip or long ride through a desolate area :D

[frankster]

I am totally unphased by crap these days. It's quite alarming really. With two babies crapping all over the place day in day out it's hard to get too disgusted anymore. The oldest one announced recently at the top of her lungs in a packed indian restaurant "NO DADA! I CAN'T SIT DOWN! I'VE GOT A VOLCANO POO!!! HELP ME! IT"S ITCHY!!!"

You want me to come over and clean it up Buda? You'll have to get the company to pay the airfare though. ;)

[Seapony]

I am totally unphased by crap these days. It's quite alarming really. With two babies crapping all over the place day in day out it's hard to get too disgusted anymore. The oldest one announced recently at the top of her lungs in a packed indian restaurant "NO DADA! I CAN'T SIT DOWN! I'VE GOT A VOLCANO POO!!! HELP ME! IT"S ITCHY!!!"

You want me to come over and clean it up Buda? You'll have to get the company to pay the airfare though. ;)

LMAO!! I just cleaned up my 3 year old's "volcano poo" a couple of hours ago, as it happens...

:D

[hewligan]

Hey, look, volcano poo is often a likely consequence of an Indian restaurant... At least they asked for Dada ;)

[frankster]

We'd not even been seated at the restaurant, let alone eaten anything by this point, so I can only assume that her digestive system has ESP. Dear old Dada approached the subject with tact and diplomacy, asking her in a hushed voice if she wanted to go to the toilets with Mama, to which she replied, again, at the top of her lungs, "YES!!! BECAUSE I'VE GOT A VOLCANO POOOOOOOOO!!!" She then proceeded to walk like a crab to the toilets with me. It was so frickin cool! You should have seen the looks on the other diner's faces!

[urstwile]

LOL, that's a great story, Frankster.

Oh, and since when did Belgians become referred to as turds? >>>half-Belgian.

[frankster]

Sorry urst, that was a bit of an obscure one. An old flat mate of mine used to announce to us when he was off to the crapper that he was "off to give birth to a belgian" or "set sail the belgian armada". I believe he was making the well known "belgian chocolate" association.

[urstwile]

LOL, it actually made me giggle a bit, as most of the Belgians I know are rather, um, short and squat individuals. So it was just a funny image to me. No offense taken. :)

[panzer]

i just love that part

'i dismissed it"

lol as if it would just go away :P

what is a volcano poo btw

i get the idea of poo and a volcano

omg

volcano poo

hmm images of pompey and versuvius

[sierng]

hahha
How amusing. . .

[morea]

Next time I hear an old lady saying "kitchy kitchy poo" and scratching someone's chin, I'll be thinking something entirely different than I did before.

d'oh! I thought that was kitchy kitchy COO! Eeew.

[Samakimoto Graphics]

A terribly amusing thread... keep us posted.

Nice story Frankster.

Um....

I've had my share of embarassing poo moments; one involving the runs in a road-side maize plantation after enjoying over-ripe, freshly picked mangoes at a relative's farm up-country when I was nine or ten - I'm was a city kid, so I was thrilled at the prospect of consuming free, fresh mangoes.

[Two-Toe Tom]

you should put up a sign saying if you're gonna poo in the kitchen, please use the sink

[LeftBrain Artist]

Or you could make a sign that says "Stink Pickle Free Zone".

If its a wee round nugget - could be animal scat. Maybe a ROUS?

When I was remodeling my bedroom and hallway, I had the attic access left open for a month. At one point I noticed these largish green oblong pellets on my bedside stand. Squirrel poo. At least it wasn't a rat, although rats would have been much quieter. That made fixing the attic access a top priority.

[budafist]

Volcano Poo!!! That is fantastic imagery Frankster. Perhaps your little one should become a poet :D

[budafist]

you should put up a sign saying if you're gonna poo in the kitchen, please use the sink

Ha! Sounds good.

[frankster]

Stink Pickle

Heee heee heeeee!

*adds to vocabulary*

[hewligan]

what is a volcano poo btw

I imagine it's much like what happened to me the morning after I discovered kimchi :eek:

[budafist]

...and when I was at Beijing Zoo and couldn't understand what the informational signage meant...

[sweet*pea]

When I lived in the dorms at college, a fellow resident got very drunk and somehow, no one saw him, pooped down the hall way. There was a trail from his door to the male restroom. And boys informed me that there was also a large amount on the bathroom floor as well.

This is the same guy who threw up in his bed after coming home drunk, and then slept in it.

He is a gross individual.

[cornfed]

I was in the drug store a few years back and a lady was running out crying. She had horrible diarrhea and it was coming out with every step. The whole store smelled horrible. I ran out to see if I could help her but she refused. Her little girl was running behind her yelling "Momma whats wrong". It was really sad. I went back in the store and the employees were argueing over who was gonna clean it up.

[budafist]

I felt inspired by this thread :)

http://img66.imageshack.us/img66/4046/poostjm5.jpg

[frankster]

Are those pooh sticks or is it a log joke?

[budafist]

It's a log joke. I found that image on morguefile and thought it fit.

[Two-Toe Tom]

haha, i like that picture. and i like futura at that weight, i think i might start using that.

[hewligan]

Futura's great at any weight. It never pooed in anyone's kitchen :D

[frankster]

Bernard Black poos in kitchens. He's my hero!

"Well you should put a lock on the door anyway because I was in there, I
was on the toilet and everything, and little Jimmy comes in, he's drinking milk
from the fridge and that's all wrong... it's unhygienic. And what were you
thinking, what was going through your brain when you thought "Oh yeah, I'll buy a wicker toilet"?

[LeftBrain Artist]

Since I'm thinking about it, here's another term to add to the Encyclopedia Shittanica:

Shart - a fart that is not a fart.

[Two-Toe Tom]

haha, that reminds me of this sarah silverman clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iPqFfz6gII