Athletic Poster/Pocket Schedule Cover

[jm1786]

This is for the University of Detroit Mercy men's basketball team, the Detroit Titans.

Eventually I'll make a full size poster with the schedule listed on it, and it will carry the same look and feel.

The size of this one will be 2.25 x 3.75 inches. It is a cover for the pocket schedule.

Our main school colors are Red and White. Blue is a third color, but as you can tell from our jersey's it is very minimal and I couldn't really find a place on the schedule cover for it to work well.

I wanted to incorporate the imagery of the city of Detroit so I incorporated the skyline and came up with a slogan of sorts to tie the team in with the city.

It still seems to busy and parts are hard to recognize because they are all crammed together. Anyone have any suggestions?

http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/7365/0708sched3co2.th.gif (http://img441.imageshack.us/my.php?image=0708sched3co2.gif)

[tZ]

Focal point?

[jm1786]

Focal point?

haha, good point!

Is this any better? I shrunk some of the other elements to put emphasis on the three seniors in the middle. I also got rid of the background outlines in the lower right.

http://img103.imageshack.us/img103/854/0708sched3altop1.th.gif (http://img103.imageshack.us/my.php?image=0708sched3altop1.gif)

[double A-ron]

While, it's not to terribly bad, I'm not liking the thick stroke around each of the players, plus it looks like you really need to go back and touch up the edges of each of the players. Also, the Titan logo in the middle just looks way out of place as it just looks like it's floating there with no purpose. Why not try doing to the players, what you did to the city background and see how that looks. Another thing that's bugging me is the overlay of the "Men's Basketball Schedule" over the "2007-08". Why not try just using "07-08" on the upper portion of that solid box and then the "Men's Basketball Schedule" underneath it.

[urstwile]

I agree about the thick stroke around the players, it makes them look less as if they're in motion and more like they're trapped somehow.

[jm1786]

Alright, I ditched the player outlines, since nobody seemed to like those.

I also changed the upper box with the date and stuff. I dunno, the way I have it spaced now, the word "Men's" looks bad...

I also shifted the players, the title, and the middle swoosh background thing up to center it a bit more.

http://img515.imageshack.us/img515/7290/0708sched4kx3.th.gif (http://img515.imageshack.us/my.php?image=0708sched4kx3.gif)

[budafist]

You need to learn to clear cut better! The guy on the left is shocking!

[tZ]

I think your trying to to do much here.

Pick a focal point and let everything else play second to that one area of emphasis.

[jm1786]

You need to learn to clear cut better! The guy on the left is shocking!

yeah, I know. I didn't want to spend time on that now since this is really only a rough draft and I wasn't sure if those were the exact images of the players I was going to be using or not.

[jm1786]

I think your trying to to do much here.

Pick a focal point and let everything else play second to that one area of emphasis.

I've tried to do that, but I don't know quite what I should do. The piece is so small (2.25 x 3.75 in) but it has to have quite a few elements on it to convey its message.

What would you suggest I do to draw emphasis to the 3 players? shrink the skyline? change the text boxes in the corners? I've already deleted a few elements and shrunk others. To try to achieve a focal point.

You'll have to forgive my ignorance of the focal point.

[sierng]

I like your placement of images and type. Shrinking the skyline/ textboxes is not going to make the 3 players more salient. It's good that you thought about what you want to make most prominant in your design, but what about the text? "Motor City Hoops" graphically stands out more than "Detroit Titans". Sometimes it helps to sit back from the screen to see which parts carry most emphasis.

[Two-Toe Tom]

i actually think its the arrangement that's the problem, everything seems scattered and unfocussed, and you have lines that don't really add to the flow or composition. i did a quick sketch that groups some of the elements together to illustrate what i mean, hope you don't mind:

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/7749/sketchxm0.jpg

[tZ]

A focal point is created through contrast.

The more contrast between figure and ground the more likely your audience is to view the area before all else.

[BJMRGTIVR6]

I think I might reduce the "Auto-traced" look of detroit. Maybe take a lot of points out of the sky and make your own and touch-up the city a bit so it is still recognizable of Detroit but with less clutter.

[SerenaC]

I like the colors but I agree there's too much going on and no focal point. A couple of possibilities: Take the Titan logo, enlarge it, and move it down to the bottom half of the card. I don't like the way the one player's feet are kicking the other in the face; it was the first thing I noticed. I think the player on the move should be more prominent than the one on the right, whose stance and expression are rather static. I would dispense with the slogan if it's not necessary from the team's point of view.

I like the skyline, looks good. But yes, change the alignment of the text. You can't leave an apostrophe hanging out there like that :)

[tZ]

The focus here is the players so instead of focusing on a generic outline of a city you should probably focus on one or two players in a game photograph or something. The outline is not working in the least. Not sure why that is from a design perspective at this point but, its visual not working. It could be the inconsistency in weight throughout but, I still think it would be better without. perhaps you should find a nice photograph instead and use it one the front.

[tZ]

Actually, I take the focal point comment back. Looking at the thumbnail your focal point is the in the left corner- the building in that position. Your focal point is the the top left intersection corresponding to the rule of thirds. Its not very obvious though unless you see the design from farther back. With that said, I think it would be more appropriate to make a player the focal point rather then a meaningless outline of a building. At least thats what I would recommend becasue I don't think the outline is more important then the the people who play the game. Since, the focus here is the team not the city. Its not a book about the city but, about the team so a players face or ball would be more appropriate.

[dsydesign]

mmmm I'm not really digging your thick strokes...

and I think everyone else covered everyting else =)

[muzik]

i actually think its the arrangement that's the problem, everything seems scattered and unfocussed, and you have lines that don't really add to the flow or composition. i did a quick sketch that groups some of the elements together to illustrate what i mean, hope you don't mind:

http://img249.imageshack.us/img249/7749/sketchxm0.jpg
that is the a wonderful suggestion :)

[jm1786]

alright. Well I made some rather big changes. A lot of the changes were suggestions from the people I'm doing it for, and what they want to see in it, so I think it is pretty much set in stone for the most part. I have to touch up some of the fonts and little tiny alignment issues.

I personally think its worlds better than the previous versions.

http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/8512/0708sched7altrs1.th.jpg (http://img225.imageshack.us/my.php?image=0708sched7altrs1.jpg)

[frankster]

You're doing much better with your shapes and colours for the layout, but you really need to get good at masking if you're going to be doing these kinds of photo montages, because one of the poor dudes has an ebola like chunk missing from his arm and the skyline is very ragged indeed.

[jm1786]

You're doing much better with your shapes and colours for the layout, but you really need to get good at masking if you're going to be doing these kinds of photo montages, because one of the poor dudes has an ebola like chunk missing from his arm and the skyline is very ragged indeed.

oh definitely I'm going to sit down this weekend and redo those things. I just did this as a rough draft so I didn't want to waste my time in case the people who I'm making this for wanted a different photograph or wanted to scrap a piece I had spent a long time on.

[tZ]

I see a swoosh.

Its looking a lot better though.

keep at it.

[urstwile]

You have a straight quote in "MEN'S".

I definitely agree it's getting better, but I'm not fond of all the fat strokes on the type and the skyline.

[steve2112]

Its starting to look better but i have 2 questions about the type treatment.

1. You have a coming out of the top left element happening and its not reeally repeated in anyway again. I do not mind the idea i think it just needs to be brought together with the rest of the type treatment or vice versa.

2. I actually HATE the way you have the name of the team. Unless that is how the actually write it i would work on it and maybe get rid of that huge stroke.

i think you need to work on the type treatment and I think it will make a more active flyer. On an excitement scalle of 1 -10 i give it a 5 when it should have like a 8 or 9.

[onedarkangel_uk]

Have you ever thought of more focal point in which, the moves are double exposure. So the eyes move from the movement of the basketball players to the text. At moment, I still don't see a focal point.

It looks better but maybe, it needs another concept in which to transalate what the flyer is saying. So since there are three figures of Basketball players, then maybe it needs to show the transition of the moves. Like this:

http://img503.imageshack.us/img503/1907/doubleexposureto7.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
http://img503.imageshack.us/img503/1907/doubleexposureto7.605c817f97.jpg (http://g.imageshack.us/g.php?h=503&i=doubleexposureto7.jpg)

Yeah, not good photo but just give an idea what you can do with those 3 basketball players and really give it some power.