Beauty salon flyer - critique needed

[DMG]

Ok this is a first draft, I found it quite hard to make this as haven't done anything similar before.

Anyway please tell me what I can do to imrove.

Thanks


http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb257/david_geaney/version2copy.jpg

[Tsmalldon]

There is some inconsistency with the way you list the coupons. For Instance:

"off your pedicure" is all lowercase as are the next 2 coupons. But the last Coupon has Caps "Leg Waxing Treatments"

Thats just the first thing that stood out to me.


Also I find the top a bit strange, nothings aligned and there is a spaace difference between the three paragraphs

Just what I noticed on Quick Glance

Gotta pee, maybe more later

[Mynock]

Make the amount and "OFF: bigger. It's the most important part of the coupon, make it so. I would also work on you wording. It's odd, make it more consistant.

[Danger_Mouse]

typography here needs work. I would take off the Center alignment on all the coupons.(left align)

3 buck off and 3 bucks off, why not consolidate to 6 bucks off as one package, if not put an OR in there.

third coupon- why is Session all by itself on one line.Holy typography eyesore batman. Break the line just before "full body" and left align.

why images for two coupons but not for others? Not that this is a big deal though and I see there is less room onthe others.

Your Amber logos on the coupons are inconsistant in spacing from tops of coupon. I would center them vertically in the coupon.
For the cutline....Id make it dotted.

I like the colors you chose.

Close cropping on the woman doesn't lokk right around hair. Soften that up.
Also I would bring the woman up a bit, and to the left side of piece. Looks half chopped off.

This just looks like a rushed job and needs tweeking.

(edit: had to make edits as I also had to pee)

PS: I assume the phone number on the tanning coupon is just dummy filler and not the actual number? Missing hyphen.

[Mynock]

December 31st of 2430? You might want to put a year in there also.

[Danger_Mouse]

December 31st of 2430? You might want to put a year in there also.


Agreed, missed that one. Also the " st" after 31 is really not neccessary


Oh and "Amber" can make my day anyday.:D

[Tsmalldon]

Oh and "Amber" can make my day anyday.

Agreed completely

[Mynock]

or my bed . . .

[Tsmalldon]

or my bed . . .

lol

[Danger_Mouse]

or a sandwich on the way out....

[balou]

I agree with what is said above - except the Amber in my bed comments. :)
Is that really Amber? If she's a stock image, she's not very tan for a tanning salon model.

[mdc1284]

I agree that the balance is off a little at the top. Maybe try switching the woman to the other side so her back insn't to the header? If you do that though, I might also suggest switiching one of the coupons without a picture with the pedicure coupon. It might be more visually balanced.

I think if you fixed that and addressed the other issues mentioned here you'll have a pretty good flyer.

[DMG]

Thanks for all the quick replies!

Danger mouse your right it was very rushed, thanks for all you pointed out gonna get working on them right now.

I know the language is kinda wierd sometimes, the owner wrote out everything for me to include but I suppose I should change it around if it can be improved.

[Danger_Mouse]

Coolness....post your revisions :)

[GraphixNPrint]

ok, first thing I noticed is she is kinda cute ... so excuse me while I go call her

i'll be back later all!

;)

[smashmiester]

First thing I noticed is what do I do if I want to use the 2nd coupon? I end up with 2 sections of the business card. I would probably end up loosing the rest of the coupons. Not sure if this can be avoided though. Would it look strange if the coupons cut vertically?

[budafist]

Is that really Amber? If she's a stock image, she's not very tan for a tanning salon model.

That's what I thought immediately. I'm browner than Amber and it's only spring time...granted I did spend a week in the sun, but still. 1 vote here to make Amber more Amber.

[seamas]

In addition to the cropping on the woman, I'd ditch that slight glow around her.

The size of the woman as an element of the piece is rather timid. I'd try to enlarge her so she takes up 1/4 to 1/3 of the space.
It looks like you have room.

[seamas]

Just a word on color.

While I like the harmony you developed, I don't see it reflecting the subject matter.

The harmony and overall pallette and treatment look to me to be like something from grandma's wallpaper. Dowdy, old, tame, sedate.

While I wouldn't go technicolor-freakout berserk, I think it would be good to reflect qualities that people who tan are looking for: youthfulness, energy, summer/tropic, sex-appeal, vibrancy.

People who tan are looking to "glow" in a way.

Plus it would be good to look at some gem-quality Amber. It is radiant and jewel like. Maybe that is an angle to look at.

[DMG]

Thanks for all the comments everyone,

here's the revised version:

http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb257/david_geaney/version2copy-1.jpg

I'm not sure how the cropping of the girl came out I tweaked it a bit, I found certain parts of her hair very hard to do.

Also to keep allignment of the type on the coupons I found difficult but hopefully its okay now

[iamallthatiam]

Too much negative space. The composition is a little weird, a little off balance. Also, when I look at the top, I'm confused at what to look at, the Logo on the top? or the woman? Make one of it stronger than other other. Remember, the job of a designer is to tell the audience what to do. Tell them what to look at and why they are looking at it.

I agree. While the color pallette is very nice, it's not fitting with the subject matter, unless your target audience are old women, in which case this is fine. I suggest use more vibrant colors (not too vibrant). Red come to mind, but it's a little too cliche I think.

[katgal]

You don't need "from" after the "off"... Not only do you not need it, but it's grammatically incorrect. It ould either be "off of" or even better, just "off"...

[katgal]

Also, lose the "your" before "leg waxing treatments." You don't use "your" before the other services, so be consistent.

[jackc4ss]

a better looking girl wouldnt go astray or a better photo as she looks kind of strayed in that pic.

[cre8ivepixel]

needs tighter visual integration. bounces the eye too many places. lack of flow...use better alignment.

[CkretAjint]

...I'm browner than Amber and it's only spring time...granted I did spend a week in the sun...

Damn you upside down, backwards toilet water spinning, spring time in our winter time, south of the equator people!!!

[ceefax]

dunno if anyones said this and its more a practical point but if it was me and my dodgy snipping, id be cutting the valid dates of and stuff...id give em more space.

[fredrich]

Thanks for all the comments everyone,

here's the revised version:

http://i209.photobucket.com/albums/bb257/david_geaney/version2copy-1.jpg

I'm not sure how the cropping of the girl came out I tweaked it a bit, I found certain parts of her hair very hard to do.

Also to keep allignment of the type on the coupons I found difficult but hopefully its okay now

I think the cropping works, but the picture don't. I don't get the feeling of her having visited a tanning studio lately, and the look is kind of tired/under the influence of substances.

[CurtisS]

Please left justify the "Save E30 with AMBER..." statement. Pleeeeease... Sorry, I just think center justifying a sentence looks amateur.

[CkretAjint]

Why is everything on it like 16pt+?? Everything seems like you are force stretching it to fit on a LARGE sheet of paper. Make it all smaller, everyone will love you move, and your client will love the costs they save with printing!