New illustration... poster 1st draft.

[Maker]

hello, I finished the first draft of a new poster, I just wanted to throw it up here and get a little feedback.

this is not for a client, just personal artwork. I wanted to juxtapose images of innocents (wood cut sillohouettes of youths), doing what seems like innocent activities, with a current of danger and maliciousness. Flying kites becomes a bombing raid, riding bikes becomes a desparate flee to safety.



http://i112.photobucket.com/albums/n182/theroob/Revenge.jpg

I already have a few things I'd like to change, but I have done enough typing. I'd like to know what you think?

[Malice]

I really like this poster to be honest I could not think of anything to change in it. Great Work!

[budafist]

I feel like there's a bit too much going on. The best posters (or at least my favs) are ones with 1 strong focus.

I like the style, but less is more.

[Danger_Mouse]

The siloquette of the kids on the bike is great. Did you sketch that out first? Reminds me of Norman Rockwell style for some reason (i don't think he ever did siloquettes) ..but I get that feel.

As far as the poster goes, great vector work, but I thought those bombs were poops or something. I got the machine guns on the balloon though...and thought the skull seemed a bit out of place. Reading what you intended I see it more now, but not at first.

-Think you could morph that balloon in a mushroom cloud shape?

-The machine guns....maybe if they appeared to be shooting (siloquette of ground ripping up around bicycle?

-Since this is personal, I would take the text right off all together. Let the imagery do the talking.


Would be cool to see finished! But Great first draft for sure.

[ReneGade2012]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but alot of this looks LiveTraced. Not that there's anything wrong with that (sorry watched Seinfeld today lol).

I like it, i sort of agree with the less is more concept, although you ARE trying to convey a certain message here.

• The scribbling behind the balloon is a little distracting, and repitious because a part of it appears behind the young lady.

• I agree with the skull not belonging.

• The text reminds me of the cover of a manual. Not laid out like a poster so to speak.

• I also feel it looks too much like the machine gun is dropping the bombs which doesn't make sense to me. Maybe you'll have to chose between the gun or the bombs.

Just my CnC (constructive criticism) I like the composition :)

[meccajos]

How about tapping the text over to the left just a hair so it lines up better?

Love it!

[kliss]

the idea is very brilliant i love it!

[Maker]

Thanks for all the CC guys, I have reworked this over the weekend taking into account some of your suggestions and will post up the next draft tommorrow morning.


some elements like the skull were removed (too obvious), the scribbles..


the sihouettes were traced from a series of vintage woodcut-outs.

[Mynock]

I really don't get it.

[Maker]

I never expected everyone to.

[Maker]

http://i112.photobucket.com/albums/n182/theroob/Revenge-1.jpg

2nd draft. If you don't get it, it could be that you are looking for something that isn't there. This is just a print of some old fashioned things I found and repurposed in a modern way. Like a hiphop beat made of old jazz cuts. there is no deep philosphical or political messages here tho, no persuasive arguement, no opinion on an issue, no optical illusion to solve or visual metafor to decifer. so if you are expecting that kind of thing, or require that kind of thing, you might not get it. Or you might make something up for yourself, which is what I prefer.

I like to think of these little posters as artifacts, Teaching aid materials, from a nightmare about teaching middle school art classes (which I did for three years) In the nightmare all the colors are bright, the children are happy, the content is professional and growth oriented, but underneath is an undercurrent of Bad Things Afoot. In that way I think of the work as surrealist, though not strictly speaking.

I have more of these.. I'll post one day.

[Broacher]

^^ All fine and dandy. For a personal statement. I guess question why you're posting that here. If someone posts a 'personal statement' in the Showcase here, that kind of stops cold any critical design feedback, doesn't it? I mean, you can say your things means anything you want it to mean--to you, that is.

I'm not sure what kind of value encouraging this kind of practice will bring to the advancement of graphic design here. To me, it's just a convenient exercise in graphic omphaloskepsis, something you see plenty of in the fine art forums... but maybe that's just the 'personal' opinion of one very un-refined designer.

[Maker]

I dont think understanding a persons intent stops critical design feedback in the slightest.

Me writing what the image means to me shouldn't impede someone from saying there is too many elements going on at once (Like budafist mentioned) or stop someone from mentioning a better alignment for the text...

but if the general concensus of designers here is that my illustrations dont belong here then I will refrain in the future from posting.

[Kool]

Eh, seems like you are getting the C&C you asked for. One comment from one person is not a general consensus.

[budafist]

Why do the 2 lines of text have loose and then very tight kerning?

[Maker]

it could be that I over kerned the bottom line. Im not sure what my thinking was on it. would you suggest I loosen up the bottom line or tighten up the top line?

now that you mention it, it's fairly distracting.

[budafist]

Make them both 0 and see how that is.

[YNOT]

I think it's pretty cool from an illustration standpoint but I'm a bit confused...

to me the trees in the background look like they're snow-covered...giving me a feeling that this is a 'ski slope'...yet there are children...on a bike...in what looks to be summer clothes. And then the white objects in the bottom right make me think of a reflection in water, but my brain is telling me they must be snow-covered trees because they're on a ski slope.

Maybe I've got the winter blues and it's making my mind all foggy??

Like I said, I love the colors and illustration work...nice job, I just think the trees and slope are throwing me off.

[Maker]

I think you are on to something there. I admit I had done the background as a winterscape to make the place the children were at seem uninviting, but I had not made the skislope connection. My main goal in the background wasreally to create a contrast with the orange-red bg of the inset frame. Now I think perhaps the background would do better as a springtime setting in mints and olives...

your right, it must be the winter blues. although here in Tampa, we have not got below 50 all season.. I think I'm pining for a real winter. Wanna send me some cold air in an envelope?

Stay tuned, new draft inbound after I get off werk.

[Microswede]

I won't comment on the nature of art vs. design, but I will gladly offer my analysis.

First, the text. The kerning could use some attention, especially between the E and S in BEST and between the L and E in LESSON (they look like they touch on my screen, which bothers me. Also, it might be nice to see a different font; something befitting the old-school wood carvings.

As for the actual illustration, I agree with Buda's earlier statement that less is more. Your three main objects (girl with the kite, kids on bike and balloon) are all basically the same size, which doesn't make for much visual interest. The line of trees and the white shapes in the bottom right are, frankly, unattractive shapes; I'm on board with the Mario-esque clouds, but the trees just seem sloppy and white shapes just look like quick scribbles in Illustrator - if that's what you're going for, I suggest practicing some more dynamic squiggles.

I also agree with Ynot on the colors. If you want contrast, go with some greens like you thought; it would also lesson the 'snowy' feel; maybe pick a color other than white.

Lastly, if you haven't yet looked, you might consider trying some of the illustration forums. As seen in this thread alone, there is obviously a large difference between critiquing design and critiquing illustration. Still, it's nice to see what some designers also get involved in; maybe the GDF moderators will find it in their hearts to add a small art/illustration section, as they've done for photography. Until then, more power to you. Viva la revolucion!

[Microswede]

P.S. By all means, have all the cold air you can take; I'm ready for some heat...

[amilelka]

I love the graphics in this. I only have 2 comments -

1) I agree with the ski-slope comment, I thought it was a ski slope initially. Greener would look great.

2) The border around the edge of the poster is too smooth. I would either remove it altogether, or give it a rough edge so that it matches the edge of the orange box. The orange box has sharper corners which I think it needs.

Otherwise, fantastic job :)

Amilelka
OnlineLogoDesign.com.au (http://onlinelogodesign.com.au)

[Maker]

good suggestions, I am in the process of revamping the image with all the crit kept in mind.

Will repost when it finishes. thnak ewe all!

[Jam]

reminds me of 'Tank Girl'
I think it could go further though - too many messages in one.
ditch the bike and make more of the balloon, as it is difficult to see what its carrying.
You could always just leave it as a girl flying a kite or holding a ballon and the AK47 stood next to here. The boxed (orange) hill side gives way to the bombed out remains of reality.