Halifax Bank "Always giving you extra"

[SM.]

I am producing a live peice for Halifax Bank "UK". The target market is 18-19 yr old Student orientated, With 0% interest and the tag line "Always giving you extra" in mind.

crit needed and also ideas thank you. SM.

[DesignStudio]

I like the concept, but My ipod personally doesn't come with the levitation feature, so it might confuse some people that yours seems to.

Also the Halifax logo bar goes over the ipod chord but under the pencil. I think you should pick one and stick with it. Right now it looks like the logo bar is some sort of sticker or strip laying on the table or something because of the pencil.

I'd also like to see the mp3 player angled slightly so that it looks more natural, but that might just be me.

I think you might consider taking a photo of an actual mp3 player on a table and then only having to shop the screen, rather than trying to shop the whole thing- it isn't really working.

[CkretAjint]

I agree with DS. the faux iPod really looks like it...

Also, 1 head phone has 3 holes, while the other has 4. And the pencils are a tad pixelated.

Fun concept though!

[SM.]

What about this one. SM.

[budafist]

Now there is a gaping hole in the composition where the cup was. Is this sense of emptiness supposed to reiterate the 0% interest? It kinda goes against "giving you extra".

Though the negative space is quite interesting.

[SM.]

i wanted to add something from the public domain. maybe che guevera. but i dont know. i never really considered the "giving extra" aspect but i was mainly focused on student association. what would you like to see???

[CkretAjint]

Now that the pencil moved it creates a visual circle... and not a good one. The pencils point to the iPod, your eye goes up the iPod, you see the head phone and follow them over to the pencils back to the bottom of the iPod. One totally does not see the logo or tag line unless you force your eyes to it. Which is bad cause you loose the visual circle you want with your ad.

[budafist]

i wanted to add something from the public domain. maybe che guevera. but i dont know. i never really considered the "giving extra" aspect but i was mainly focused on student association. what would you like to see???


I would not add something from the public domain like che guevera. You have to remember that if you put a face next to an iPod, you will be dealing with the wrath of iPod.

[SM.]

New

[Danger_Mouse]

Being student related, I look for a ruler to go with those pencils.

Why not play with a concept related to the tagline?

[chompiraz]

che guevarra was a extremely left revolutionist communist supporting guerilla soldier, maybe not the best image for a student friendly bank. Especially not when people more informed than students will see it too.

[SurfPark]

That iPod is making a strange shadow. Look at your pencils. The shadow is going DOWN, meaning the light source is coming from the top of the picture. The iPod should be casting a shadow down (probably below where the ad is cropped).

[doctorfoz]

following DM's suggestion, what if the ipod had extra buttons - or extra headphones? Perhaps, if a ruler were to be shown, it could have 13 inches (as most go to 12)?

just a thought

[obesebee]

That digital zero may look like an eight if glancing at it. maybe it's just the size.

[Kirby]

I think you should use the two pencils to stab Howard's eyes out with. He's the most annoying bloke on telly.

[SM.]

here is an even newer revamp.

[Typically]

the shadows are still off. the sticky note shadow is different from the ipod and headphone shadow. also the headphone shadow by the upper left corner of the ipod shouldn't be there. It would mean the ipod is propped up on something and not laying flat and the wire is under it. i really like this concept you just need to get the shadows in order

[SM.]

thanks Typically

[Mynock]

The screen appears to come out and not in like it should.

[PanToshi]

The scratches on the wood tabletop look like they continue onto the surface of the ipod. One of the scratches looks like it's going from table up onto the ipod screen. Did you mean to have random scratches there also?
In any case, the logo police wouldn't allow the logo to be scratched up at all.

[PSPDan]

The scratches on the wood tabletop look like they continue onto the surface of the ipod. One of the scratches looks like it's going from table up onto the ipod screen. Did you mean to have random scratches there also?
In any case, the logo police wouldn't allow the logo to be scratched up at all.

Exactly what I was about to say.

It seems like an optical illusion :o

Also I find the font on the post-it note hard to read. At a glance I thought it said "£1250 maze" took me a while to figure out that it said "more". Or maybe that's just me.

[Virgo Nightingale]

I'm guessing that post-it is supposed to represent a student's handwritten note. I think the only students who wrote like that (that kind of penmanship and that type of pen and ink) were from the last century (as in the 1800's).

[PSPDan]

I'm guessing that post-it is supposed to represent a student's handwritten note. I think the only students who wrote like that (that kind of penmanship and that type of pen and ink) were from the last century (as in the 1800's).

Agreed.

Maybe you should try something a bit more messy and scratchy. Like a Biro.

[Virgo Nightingale]

following DM's suggestion, what if the ipod had extra buttons - or extra headphones? Perhaps, if a ruler were to be shown, it could have 13 inches (as most go to 12)?

just a thought
Concept wise, I think this is a better direction to go. I thought of the 13" ruler as well.

[SM.]

I am taking in all that you say and im gonna have another go at it. I think the main problem is that it's all CG. maybe I should have gone traditional. but never the less i am gonna keep on going.

thanks peers.

[SM.]

OTHER IDEAS i WERE THINKING ABOUT. underside of a trainer/sneeker. clothing tag and this one.

[DesignStudio]

SM, I think you could save yourself alot of work on this project with a digital camera and some well placed lighting.

[SM.]

bang in a ruler lol

[odizzle]

better, but the screen still needs some work, it looks pasted in instead of part of the actual ipod...and that ruler has strange markings on it.. :)

[icekitty37]

this last version is really nice, however the shadows are still a little off. They seem a little too dramatic, and it bothers me how it stays constant over the table and ruler when actually it'd be further off the table in some spots because of the ruler underneath.

[DesignStudio]

SM,

This thread is going around in circles so much I'm starting to get dizzy. You post an image, people comment on the shadow, you post another, more comments about shadow, another image, another comment about the shadow.

No matter how many times you change the composition, the overall piece is not going to look good unless you correct the problem you've been having from the begining about the direction of the light, and the length and direction of the shadows.

If the items laying on the table don't look genuine, then it's going to be so distracting for viewers trying to figure out what's "off" about the ad that they're not going to focus on what the ad is trying to communicate.

I was serious about my comment about trying a digital camera. I'm not sure if you own a camera, Ipod, and pencils, but if so really give it a go. At the very least it will give you a photo-realistic model of exactly what the shadows should look like. If you don't own those things, chances are you know someone who does. Don't get discouraged, creating lighting can be tricky.

[SM.]

friday i am going to recreate this photographically. but the only problem is that the i pod is black. so even then the peice is going to look totally diffrent but you never know. your words might just push it on to the next level.

[Danger_Mouse]

I like the added ruler, makes the piece more student related. Dr. Foz's idea of 13" is right up the line of thinking I was suggesting. The ipod doesn't look right on top of the ruler. You need to correct all these technical issues before this has a chance to be successful (as Design STudio suggests).

This looks like a rejected Ipod ad as is. I am still lost on the communication of the ad. Nothing really tells you what this company is unless you look at the ipod screen which kinda gets washed out because there are so many other things going on. Student finance company? Viewer has to almost "look" for it. Which is fine if there were some call to action on the ad, butthere isn't (web addy, address, phone number etc). ONe or the other I think.

[PanToshi]

I agree with Danger Mouse.

What is the concept of the poster? What do you want it convey?
Savings? Ease? Exclusivity (for students)? Special offer?

Come up with a concept, then use the elements (or new ones) to convey your concept to the viewer.

IMO, I don't think "ipod" says "student". Pencils & triangles are not that relevant to presumably college-age students who would be the target for this "Student Banking" Poster.

[writeaboutbetty]

I'd place the ipod on something other than a desk made of brown wood grain. I'd messy up the desk, really clutter it up. IF you want it to reach 18-yr-olds, I'd make the pencils groovier -- it just doesn't scream hip, young pad to me. Looks more like an office than a student's lair. I like the comment about the ruler -- says student more than office.

[Oldat29]

When i see this add i think of school. And the desks wernt that nice. What about useing carvings in the desk, and doodles, like a real schools desk. Use the halifax guys name thats on the adds, also the shadows are a lil funny looking. Why dont you put a real ipod on a desk and see how the shadows look and copy that.

[SM.]

crit this one please.

[Typically]

look a lot better. just fix the glare on the right side of the ipod

[SM.]

dont you like it. i was trying to emphasise a lighting effect like a table lamp. do you reckon i should keep it as lons as i make the lighting more apparent and visible.

[Typically]

it has that purple digital photo look too it. maybe adjust the color so the highlight is more white than purple

[PanToshi]

Now that the ipod screen is the focal point, the concept is much clearer. (Bank) savings for students.

I agree with Typically, a little adjustment to the highlight would be good.

Much better layout. Simplicity works. Nice work.

[PSPDan]

Much better! Looks much more authentic and the simplistic layout just works a lot better. Just fix the glare as others have said and we'll see where you can go from there!

[SM.]

no glare

[PSPDan]

I like it. I can't see anything that's blatently obviously wrong with it. I think it portrays your idea pretty well. Although maybe an iPod isn't directly linked to students. I'm sure some of the more experienced members will have some criticism for you.