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Allen Harkleroad
10-10-2004, 04:07 PM
1) My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't!


2) I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.


3) I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!


4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.


5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.


6) Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.


7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.


8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.


9) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.


10) Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.


11) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.


12) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.


13) God must love stupid people, he made so many.


14) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.


15) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.


16) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?


17) Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.


18) I have a degree in Liberal Arts - do you want fries with that?


19) Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.


20) Finally 21, and legally able to do everything I've been doing since 15.


21) Mississippi: one million people and 15 last names.


22) FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.


23) My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat.


24) A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from the ATM machine.


25) Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!


26) They call it PMS because mad cow disease was already taken.


27) "Police station toilet stolen.... Cops have nothing to go on."


28) A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.


29) The Meek shall inherit the earth, after we're through with it.


30) Welcome to Alabama - Set your watch back 20 years.


31) I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on E-Bay!!



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morea
10-10-2004, 05:12 PM
good ones Allen!

The more people I meet, the more I love my cats.

Allen Harkleroad
10-10-2004, 05:31 PM
I love #26 :)


allen harkleroad<a target="_blank" href="mailto:H@rklerod" target=_blank>
</A>"I didn't do it...You didn't see me...You can't prove a thing..."

Visit Our Magazine: www.DesignerToday.com (http://www.designertoday.com/tabindex-0/tabid-1/DesktopDefault.aspx)

Get inside my head at www.DontFear.com (http://www.dontfear.com/)

www.buythistoday.com (http://www.buythistoday.com)

http://shop.designertoday.com (http://shop.designertoday.com)

http://www.gmpias.com (http://www.gmpias.com)

http://www.zonedeals.com (http://www.zonedeals.com)

morea
10-10-2004, 05:37 PM
#7 is me!

The more people I meet, the more I love my cats.

Neuro
10-10-2004, 05:41 PM
#4 applies to a coworker. Each day jail time seems more and more worth it!

The more I love cats, the less I like children. Children=cat food!!!