Stupid Drunk Quotes

'You'll have to speak up im wearing a towel'

'Kiss me im crapfaced'

'How many panckakes can you stuff in an elephants ear?'

'Whats the difference between a duck?' (my favorite)

crappy pickup line ...'Does my tongue taste funny?'

'shut up I cant hear my self think....mmm i want some peanuts'

crappy pickup line.... When your making out with a girl, whisper into her ear will you touch my vagina? When she says WHAT? say thats what your supposed to say.

'Sasquatch stole my pancreas'

'You smell like a rainbow'

'Hookers dont like to snuggle'

'One time I stuck an altoid up my butt'

'I tried to quit drinking so much so I started putting my beer in my Brita, it didnt work'

'One time I saw two really old people having sex, now I dont eat rasins anymore'

Post Edited (socialD) : 12/11/2004 11:09:45 PM GMT

[morea]

hmm... seems like I should have at least some of these.... but it usually ends up as, 'Zzzzz.......'


although 'Hello, occifer, I'm not as think as you drink I am!' is a good one! /emoticons/lol.gif

I haven't lost my mind... it's backed up on disk somewhere.

I got a speeding ticket the other day, the police man asked why I was going so fast,
I said well my foot was to the floor, which causes more fuel to be pumped into the carberator, which causes higher rpm, and the car just takes off like a rocket.

And then I said see this...and turned the wheel back and ofrth....and this stears it

anyways i got a ticket

[morea]

'Hey, do you like think that fish know that they're wet?'

'Wait...do you need me to be sober? Because I can be two people at once.'

'Turn off the light, its giving me a sunburn.'

'Take me drunk, I'm home!'


You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
-- Dean Martin

I haven't lost my mind... it's backed up on disk somewhere.

[morea]

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
-- Homer Simpson

To alchohol, the cause of and solution to, all life's problems.
--Homer Simpson

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
-- Homer Simpson

'Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!' (chugs beer)
--Homer Simpson

I haven't lost my mind... it's backed up on disk somewhere.

[morea]

'Sometimes, when I reflect back on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.'

--by Jack Handey



Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

-- Dave Barry

I haven't lost my mind... it's backed up on disk somewhere.

[morea]

I drink to make other people interesting.
-- George Jean Nathan

'It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.'
--George F. Burns

I haven't lost my mind... it's backed up on disk somewhere.

[court6478]

But occifer, I've only had bue teers and a cof a cuppy.

Sparkle sparkle little twink, what the hell you are, I think.

Sis on you pister, you aint so muckin futch, go in your own jack yard and back off; you and your whole famn damily.

http://gallery.cybertarp.com/albums/userpics/19511/Signature.jpg

The 'Lettering Guy' says: 'It's not only what you say, but how well you say it.'

[D-Frag]

Wanna pet my gold fish?

http://www.pillargraphicdesign.com/dfrag/DFRAGSIG.jpg

digitalcamwhore (http://digitalcamwhore.deviantart.com/gallery/)

[Jeff92]

This was a girlfriend of a buddy of mine, some classic things came out of her mouth, and all the while she was completly sober...


'It is so much easier to find your way through a forest compared to a mall. In a mall everything looks different, while in a forest everything looks the same!'

Said while I drove her to a mall to shop for my buddys, her boyfriends christmas gift. I had to stop and think about it for a bit...

Another one, when we got to my buddies place, he switched on the main hall light. It did the usual, turn on for a split second and burnt out. All off the sudded, this girl started giving him hell. To say the least he was confused, you see, it was his fault for the light burning out because he switched the light on too fast.....

True stories....

[Magnus]

Is she blonde by chance, or Danish?

Know this: Spammers, Flammers and Trolls will be shown no mercy and given no quarter. They will be pursued to the ends of the earth and executed Mod-style.

- Magnus

[Jeff92]

Blonde actually..... http://www.graphicdesignforum.com/emoticons/blink.gif
I may have to ask my buddies some more storys about her, can seem to remember anymore off the top of my head.

remembered one... now this may be my own stupidity in cooking, but....

one time she was going to make banana bread. ok fine, way to go, but she left the bananas out for a very long time, until the point they almost looked like big prunes. We agrued for a little bit saying that you can't use those bananas anymore. She proceeded to cook the banana bread and tried to get me to try it out.... She tried it first, and well, I am sure that you know what ensued after that.... http://www.graphicdesignforum.com/emoticons/oops.gif

Post Edited (Jeff92) : 12/13/2004 8:35:23 PM GMT

[Drawing a Blank]

I once had a boss that asked a co-worker to turn down the volume on the vacuum cleaner because it was giving her a headache. She was completely sober.


We were trying to get a friend not to drive home because he had been drinking when he said "I just want to go mome." Once he realized what he had said he slept it off on the couch.


Must be a great religion you have if it is threatened by a bumpersticker

[YellowDart]

LMAO

OMG socialD. That's classic.

-=[Go ahead... Give the dog a Yell0wDart]=-
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