Magazine ad - updated 4/14

[morea]

Just thought I would post this for a final critique before submission.
It looks kind of boring to me, but I can't go too crazy with it so I'm stuck.

Advice?

[Bear]

not wanting to be penickity my love, but the AGA is swedish, not british /DesktopModules/dotNetBB/emoticons/biggrin.gif

i'd also perhaps try it with a dark green band at the top behind the logo and copy and have the title line in white ? might compliment the red nicely. I say this purely because i associate aga with homely-ness, family and warmth, and it feels alittle white and minimal/cold.

/DesktopModules/dotNetBB/emoticons/thumbsup.gif

C*** Designer

[morea]

my boss wanted to emphasize that these are quite popular in Britain - at least, that's what he tells me! /DesktopModules/dotNetBB/emoticons/lol.gif

I am intrigued by your idea though, I felt that it was a little too plain. Let me play with it a little bit more. Thanks!

'They say time is the fire in which we burn.'
- Dr. Tolian Soran</font>

[G-Man79]

I'm with Bear on this. A splash of color in the head banner wouldn't hurt. Also, as far as the copy goes, I would cap the L in live. You might consider rewording that section as follows:

Live cooker on premises. To set up a demonstration, call us.

Just my .02. It's good to see a fellow Albanian hard at work. :) Other than those suggestions, the ad looks good!

That's how I roll!

[morea]

Ha! I've been looking at this for so long I didn't even realize that the 'l' in 'live' was lowercase. Yikes!

I'll keep at it! Thanks for the direction, guys!

[beanz]

I'm British and that's not what i would call a cooker!?! It's a Range! Okay to be fair, it's a Range cooker, but we'd never call it just a Cooker! ;)

That aside, i do like the ad.

http://sighost.fuelie.org/accounts/beanz/beanz_17.jpg

http://dabeanz.deviantart.com

[morea]

thanks beanz! /DesktopModules/dotNetBB/emoticons/lol.gif

'They say time is the fire in which we burn.'
- Dr. Tolian Soran</font>

[morea]

still plugging away at it...

[morea]

I think that black stroke on the header is a little too thick, I'm going to play with that a bit.

'They say time is the fire in which we burn.'
- Dr. Tolian Soran</font>

[uncle carbunkle]

when i was in britain, they called aga's an 'aga'. but who can afford them?!?

morea, i'm not keen on the way your body text is 'gap toothed', and the 'gauch' is just a little too cozy with your black line. also, i would not include your first period in your perenthesis. i would set it as 'cooker'. rather than 'cooker.'

why the black line at all? what about blocks of colour, or shifting the photo so that you don't need your line? just brainstorming here.

::Don't call me Foreman, for I am your Boss::

[morea]

hey unc - thanks for the feedback - not to be dense, but I'm not really sure I know what you mean by the text being 'gap toothed' - can you clarify a little please?

'They say time is the fire in which we burn.'
- Dr. Tolian Soran</font>

[beanz]

Aga's or Ranges have become pretty mainstream/trendy now, and aren't as expensive, or well made come to that, as they used to be lol! Still out of my price range (excuse the pun) though; i've just got a cooker! :D

Something about the green header doesn't look right/as good as the original. You're probably right about the stroke being the cause! ;)

http://sighost.fuelie.org/accounts/beanz/beanz_17.jpg

http://dabeanz.deviantart.com

[morea]

Have I told you how much I love you guys? Whenever I get stuck, you're always able to un-stick me.

It's coming along nicely... keep at it! /DesktopModules/dotNetBB/emoticons/biggrin.gif

'They say time is the fire in which we burn.'
- Dr. Tolian Soran</font>

[uncle carbunkle]

gap toothed - watch your leading and kerning. not that it's insanely out of whack, but the serif, black & white and space around your text brings to mind a zebra...confuses the eye. i can't read it. perhaps it's just on the screen though, so print it out and see what your eye does when you change all that around.

sorry - english is my second language today. the first being 'in-tongues'. (still recovering).
:)
anyone else explain what i mean?

::Don't call me Foreman, for I am your Boss::

[morea]

ah, I think I see what you mean. Thanks!

'They say time is the fire in which we burn.'
- Dr. Tolian Soran</font>

[morea]

something is still bugging me about the type, but I can't put my finger on it.

Here's where I'm at.

[D-Zine]

Wow...isn't it crazy what another pair of eyes can do?

Your new additions/changes to your ad really make a difference. I'm liking this much more than the original you posted! The addition of the green and the reverse really helps set it off better. By lightning the black border at the top it becomes less harsh..more welcoming - if that makes any sense?!

Did you change the font for the copy or is that just me? Nah you changed it right?
The copy is more readable now since you changed the font and tweaked the kerning a bit. :)

I think the ad looks great. The only thing I am curious about is if you lose that black border around the green all together. It's the only place where you have that thick of a border..and since you have that reverse with the green, it [i]may[/b] not be necessary, but I dunno..bc I can't see it...LOL ;)

Those are my thoughts so far and nice work! /DesktopModules/dotNetBB/emoticons/thumbsup.gif

'No more yanky my wanky! The donga need food!!' - heh

[YNOT]

Nice job on this...the latest one looks much cleaner. I agree with D-Zine...I'd lose the black border up top. The black box on the bottom right looks nice, why not complement the top with the same treatment. Solid green box, no border and it'll look perfect.

My .02¢. Very nicely done though. /DesktopModules/dotNetBB/emoticons/thumbsup.gif

www.tmooregraphics.com</font>

[morea]

like this, then?

[bdamit]

Coming along nicely, Morea


It's true that it would be called an Aga, but cooker is one of the popular names for, well, A cooker.


Which brings me neatly onto my little suggestion, where I believe the tag should read, THE BRITISH CALL IT "A COOKER".


I just moved the speech mark in front of the A. d'you See that?http://www.graphicdesignforum.com/DesktopModules/dotNetBB/emoticons/biggrin.gif


That would bea more better use of correct grammar, like.


P.S. I am english, and I can't afford one either.


http://www.graphicdesignforum.com/DesktopModules/dotNetBB/emoticons/thumbsup.gif

Post Edited (bdamit) : 4/13/2005 5:33:51 PM GMT

[greyghost]

It's a nice ad, but I have my nit-picks. I think the layout is great, the fonts are hurting the ad to me.

I'm not really a fan of headers being in all caps.
Not to be a big pain or anything, but how upscale is this magazine?

I'd try the first line 'The British call it a cooker' all by itself in that green bar
and the remainder of that header in an italic or something complimentary in the white section. The Serif in the white section could be knocked down a notch in size, it just seems overpowering (too much boldness in the letters?) and would try it with a sans serif that looks similar to their logo.

Just my .02. Don't be mad

when it comes to certain clients, remind yourself:
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

I'm an ARTIST, not a MAGICIAN!

[morea]

certainly not mad... my typography skills are rather week, so I can use all the help with it I can get!
Thanks for tht tip!

'They say time is the fire in which we burn.'
- Dr. Tolian Soran</font>

[greyghost]

What about red in the top instead of green? I tend to pull colors for my ads from the actual artwork supplied, so they 'pick up' a little more. Red also seems to grab more people and phone calls.

I just saw bdamnit had the same suggestion about the header. Funny. :)

Keep at it. There's always one ad that drives you bonkers.

when it comes to certain clients, remind yourself:
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

I'm an ARTIST, not a MAGICIAN!

[EC]

Nice!

I agree 100% with the suggestions thus far.

I like the idea of getting rid of the second line in the green box. Also, try it without all-caps (too hard to read).

Then maybe you could do something with the 'We call it living well' (assuming you'll stick it above the body copy) by making 'living well' red or something. Dunno.

Is the body copy in bold? I'd try to soften that. You can definitely bump that down in size, and it would make it more readable. It's competing for attention a bit too much I think.

Also, this is totally persnickity and probably COMPLETLEY a personal opinion, but I am not loving the oblique in 'live cooker on premisis' ... I am also no typography guru so somebody please help me on the lingo. I'd choose something that would give a nice, elegant italic rather than just a slant. I don't know how else to describe it.

It's really, overall, quite excellent. GOOD JOB!!

[morea]

The red didn't look quite right... wanted to bring out the company name with the green. The text in the green header box is the standard tagline and I don't have a lot of say over that...

I think that it's mostly the black text on the white background that is driving me crazy.

'They say time is the fire in which we burn.'
- Dr. Tolian Soran</font>

[EC]

I like the green, I think red would be too 'matchy match' with the cooker and then the company name would feel like a dork being all green and stuff by himself.

I think you just need to give that body copy block a little more whitespace by softening the type is all.

[morea]

incidentally, I sure with THIS one was a barter deal! I'd love to trade ads for an Aga! /DesktopModules/dotNetBB/emoticons/lol.gif

'They say time is the fire in which we burn.'
- Dr. Tolian Soran</font>

[D-Zine]

Hahha wouldn't that be great eh?

'No more yanky my wanky! The donga need food!!' - heh

[G-Man79]

Morea-
Gramatically speaking, you should have a comma after demonstration. Other than that, I think the ad is solid. Nice work!

That's how I roll!

[morea]

whoops, I will correct that comma...

here's where my text is at... I think it's a little easier to read at this point, though it still needs some tweaking.

I tried a sans serif font for the body copy to parallel the company name... better? worse? sick of all this?

[EC]

Do you *need* that period outside of 'cooker'? Just a thought.

The text reads much better. But the border is back? I liked it better without.

[Keyare]

I preferred the serif, gave it more of an 'old-world' feeling. NOT TIMES ROMAN THOUGH! EW!

[EC]

OH. Now you have three different things going on with the text, all-caps, sans-serif, and serif in the box ... I think maybe switch that black box font to make it nice and matchy matchy.

[Keyare]

'Live cooker on premesis' is now buried in the copy. It doesn't make as much sense (it's not as clear) as when it was on it's own.

[EC]

Yeah sorry Morrea, I agree with Keyare. Can you do the same lighter 'feel' with a serif? Serif is classy, I think appropriate for this ad.

[EC]

But maybe 'life cooker' could be in bold?

[EC]

ha ha I said life cooker.

[Keyare]

lol @ life cooker

I think there's a lot of room for the use of italics in this ad. In the serif font. NOT TIMES ROMAN! OH NO!

[EC]

Garamond?

[morea]

that's what I started with - Garamond - but I HATE the way it looks in italics...

I knew I had looked at the damned thing for too long. I'm taking a break until tomorrow so it doesn't continue to devolve.

'They say time is the fire in which we burn.'
- Dr. Tolian Soran</font>

Post Edited (morea) : 4/13/2005 9:52:25 PM GMT

[Keyare]

Then go with Goudy....mmmm goudy goudy

[uncle carbunkle]

dowdy, howdy, proudly goudy...

why italics at all, then?

::Don't call me Foreman, for I am your Boss::

[EC]

I love me some goudy, yummmm. Think I'll have goudy for dinner.

[Neuro]

So when does our Aga arrive?! I really hope they get it here for dinner. Yeah right!

** Personal Blog (http://neuro-i-carmotur.blogspot.com)
** Business Blog (http://catseyecreations.blogspot.com)

[morea]

I couldn't afford one, even if I got it at cost!

'They say time is the fire in which we burn.'
- Dr. Tolian Soran</font>

[Keyare]

Italics because the combination of italics andregular text gives it a little more of the "Old World" look:

[uncle carbunkle]

i don't think you need the ' and the italics.

i think the bold on the 'live cooker on premises' is enough, if morea doesn't like the itals.

i'm all for changing weight and colour, though.

::Don't call me Foreman, for I am your Boss::

[morea]

thanks for all of the ideas you guys... I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!

'They say time is the fire in which we burn.'
- Dr. Tolian Soran</font>

Post Edited (morea) : 4/14/2005 3:34:32 PM GMT

[morea]

have I mentioned that I can't stand the sight of this thing any more?

[uncle carbunkle]

if your dropping the o like that, i think you need to force justify your text and play with your kerning.

i'm all about the kerning. kern, kern, kern. kern, baby, kern.

::Don't call me Foreman, for I am your Boss::

[EC]

this might drive you crazy? But see how all the dots on the 'i' and the periods are diamond shape? Grab one of those guys and swap it for the round bullet in the address. I know it's a small detail, but sometimes it's the little things.

*duck*

It's looking really nice. You're almost good to go on this one morrea.

(Edited to add - love the font.)


/DesktopModules/dotNetBB/emoticons/thumbsup.gif

[morea]

HA! Nice catch EC. I tweaked the kerning a llittle bit too.

[D-Zine]

Ahh yes..good suggestion EC!

I think your there morea! You can tweak forever as Kool once told me but I think you got it now!

Good job!

/DesktopModules/dotNetBB/emoticons/thumbsup.gif

'No more yanky my wanky! The donga need food!!' - heh

[EC]

Thumbs up for me, too.

[morea]

I LOVE YOU GUYS!

C'mere... BIG group hug!!!

/DesktopModules/dotNetBB/emoticons/rofl.gif

'They say time is the fire in which we burn.'
- Dr. Tolian Soran</font>

[WR]

The British huh!?

Just a little suggestion... how about having the 'Live cooker' aligned with the left margin of the copy above it, and the 'on premisis.' aligned with the right margin of the copy above. Just think it'll fit in better. It looks slightly off, that's all.

Shouldn't the we be in speak quote marks (')?

That's a very old fashioned but modern looking kitchen there, how much they costin' about?

Good stuff, Morea.

[shlexymama]

Just a minor suggestion...
I would reduce the leading in the contact information and also in the main headline in the green box. The contact info just seems to be a little 'spacey' and is crowding the border. As for the headline, the message will seem more as one once the leading is tightened...not too much though.

Looks good though, the type has come a long way!