Allen Harkleroad
04-29-2005, 12:02 PM
cute but true most of the time...
ATLANTA, GEORGIA EXPLAINED
This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, who has
ever lived in Atlanta, has visited Atlanta, ever plans to
visit Atlanta, knows anyone who lives in Atlanta,
knows anyone who has ever visited Atlanta or anyone
who has ever heard of Atlanta, Georgia.
Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets. The
only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn
around and start over when you reach Greenville, South
Carolina.
All directions start with, "Go down
Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the
Waffle House." Except that in Cobb County, all
directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken and..."
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is
not to be confused with Peachtree Circle, Peachtree
Place, Peachtree Lane, Peachtree Road, Peachtree
Parkway, Peachtree Run, Peachtree Trace, Peachtree
Ave, Peachtree Commons Peachtree Battle, Peachtree
Corners, New Peachtree, Old Peachtree, West Peachtree,
Peachtree-Dunwoody, Peachtree-Chamblee, or Peachtree
Industrial Boulevard. Atlantans only know their way to work and thier
way
home. If you ask anyone for directions they will
always send you down Peachtree.
Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola.
That's all we drink here, so don't ask for any other soft drink unless
it's made by Coca-Cola. And even then it's still
"Coke." A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or
pop...it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.
Example: "What kinda coke you want?"
Gate One at Atlanta's Hartsfield International Airport
is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear
sneakers and pack a lunch.
It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on
the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce
calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs to that
effect, so that out-of-towners don't feel
lost...they're just on a scenic drive."
The 8:00 AM rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The
5:00 PM rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday's
rush hour starts Thursday afternoon, and lasts through
2:00 AM Saturday.
"Sir" and "Ma'am" are used by the
person speaking to you if there's a remote possibility that you're at
least 30 minutes older than they are.
A native can only pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue one
way, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation.
People will simply tilt their heads to the right and
stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation "pahnss duh
LEE-on"
The fall of a raindrop makes everyone forget all
traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city
is paralyzed for three days, and it's on all the TV
channels and radio stations as a news flash every 15
minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be
sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper,
and beer. If there is a remote chance of snow, and if
it does snow, people will be on the corner selling "I
survived the blizzard" tee-shirts, not to mention the
fact that all schools will close at the slightest
possible chance of snow.
The pollen count is off the national scale for
unhealthy, which starts at 120. Atlanta is usually in
the 2,000 to 4,000 range. All roads, vehicles, houses
- everything - is yellow from March 28th to July 15th.
If you have any allergies, you will die. But other
than that, it's a great place to live!
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in
Georgia. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in
Georgia, plus a couple no one's ever seen before.
"Onced" and "Twiced" are actual words.
It is not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.
There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There's only
dinner - and, then, there is supper. 'Jeetyet?' is
actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat yet?"
You install security lights on your house and garage -
and then leave both unlocked.
The local papers cover national and international news
on one page, but need 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
You know whether another Georgian is from north
Georgia, south Georgia or middle Georgia as soon as
they open their mouth (Albany = All benny)
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as
"goin wal-martin" or "off to Wally World"
Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start
drinking it when you're 2.
If you understand these, forward them to your
friends from GEORGIA (and to those who just wish they were).
ATLANTA, GEORGIA EXPLAINED
This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, who has
ever lived in Atlanta, has visited Atlanta, ever plans to
visit Atlanta, knows anyone who lives in Atlanta,
knows anyone who has ever visited Atlanta or anyone
who has ever heard of Atlanta, Georgia.
Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets. The
only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn
around and start over when you reach Greenville, South
Carolina.
All directions start with, "Go down
Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the
Waffle House." Except that in Cobb County, all
directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken and..."
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is
not to be confused with Peachtree Circle, Peachtree
Place, Peachtree Lane, Peachtree Road, Peachtree
Parkway, Peachtree Run, Peachtree Trace, Peachtree
Ave, Peachtree Commons Peachtree Battle, Peachtree
Corners, New Peachtree, Old Peachtree, West Peachtree,
Peachtree-Dunwoody, Peachtree-Chamblee, or Peachtree
Industrial Boulevard. Atlantans only know their way to work and thier
way
home. If you ask anyone for directions they will
always send you down Peachtree.
Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola.
That's all we drink here, so don't ask for any other soft drink unless
it's made by Coca-Cola. And even then it's still
"Coke." A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or
pop...it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.
Example: "What kinda coke you want?"
Gate One at Atlanta's Hartsfield International Airport
is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear
sneakers and pack a lunch.
It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on
the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce
calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs to that
effect, so that out-of-towners don't feel
lost...they're just on a scenic drive."
The 8:00 AM rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The
5:00 PM rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday's
rush hour starts Thursday afternoon, and lasts through
2:00 AM Saturday.
"Sir" and "Ma'am" are used by the
person speaking to you if there's a remote possibility that you're at
least 30 minutes older than they are.
A native can only pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue one
way, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation.
People will simply tilt their heads to the right and
stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation "pahnss duh
LEE-on"
The fall of a raindrop makes everyone forget all
traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city
is paralyzed for three days, and it's on all the TV
channels and radio stations as a news flash every 15
minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be
sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper,
and beer. If there is a remote chance of snow, and if
it does snow, people will be on the corner selling "I
survived the blizzard" tee-shirts, not to mention the
fact that all schools will close at the slightest
possible chance of snow.
The pollen count is off the national scale for
unhealthy, which starts at 120. Atlanta is usually in
the 2,000 to 4,000 range. All roads, vehicles, houses
- everything - is yellow from March 28th to July 15th.
If you have any allergies, you will die. But other
than that, it's a great place to live!
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in
Georgia. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in
Georgia, plus a couple no one's ever seen before.
"Onced" and "Twiced" are actual words.
It is not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.
There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There's only
dinner - and, then, there is supper. 'Jeetyet?' is
actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat yet?"
You install security lights on your house and garage -
and then leave both unlocked.
The local papers cover national and international news
on one page, but need 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
You know whether another Georgian is from north
Georgia, south Georgia or middle Georgia as soon as
they open their mouth (Albany = All benny)
Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as
"goin wal-martin" or "off to Wally World"
Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start
drinking it when you're 2.
If you understand these, forward them to your
friends from GEORGIA (and to those who just wish they were).