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  • Good Jokes

    I'll start with one:

    Boss, to four of his employees:
    - I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go.
    Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority."
    Female Employee: "And I'm a woman."
    Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."
    To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..."
    CrazyLeafDesign - website design, illustration, and programming company


  • #2
    I just had this emailed to me and made me chuckle (even tho its kinda long...)

    A husband is at home watching a Football game when his wife interrupts, honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now.

    he look at her and says angrily, Fix the lights now? Does it look like i have ge written on my forehead? I don't think so.

    Fine,

    Then the wife asks, well then, could you fix the fridge door?
    It won't close right

    To which he replied, fix the fridge door? Does it look like i have westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so

    Fine, she says then you could at least fix the steps to the front door? They are about to break

    i'm not a carpenter -does it look like i have Ace hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!!

    So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours, He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home

    As he walks into the house he notices that the steps are already fixed. as he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.

    Honey, he asks, how'd all this get fixed? She said, well, when you left i sat outside and cried.

    just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and i told him.

    he offered to do all the repairs, and all i had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.

    He said, so what kind of cake did you bake?

    Does it look like I have betty crocker written on my forehead? I don't think so!
    www.jackiecreative.com

    People who live in glass houses sink ships.

    Comment


    • #3
      ROFL those are great
      _______________________________________
      Hello... My name is Kittie and I'm a Font-a-holic.

      Comment


      • #4
        Q: What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say?
        A: Beat it - we're closed.

        ~~~~~~~~~~

        Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
        A: To find a tight seal.

        ~~~~~~~~~~

        Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?
        A: It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

        ~~~~~~~~~~

        Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
        A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

        ~~~~~~~~~~~

        Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
        A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

        ~~~~~~~~~~

        Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
        A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

        ~~~~~~~~~~

        Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
        A: You can sleep with a light on.

        ~~~~~~~~~~

        Q: Why is sex like a bridge game?
        A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

        ~~~~~~~~~~~

        Q: What's the definition of macho?
        A: Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

        ~~~~~~~~~~

        Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
        A: Their balls are just for decoration.
        Some advice is profound, some is clever. The above post is a good example of both.
        http://www.pedrospracticaljokes.blogspot.com/

        Comment


        • #5
          Why did the principal fire the cross-eyed teacher?
          Because he couldn't control his pupils.

          Did you hear about the farmer whose wife had left him?
          He found out in a John Deere letter.

          Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
          Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.

          Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book?
          They all have phones.

          What do you call a camel with no humps?
          Humphrey

          What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
          A nervous wreck!

          What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
          Roamin' Catholic

          What kind of engine do they use in golf carts?
          Fore cyclinder.

          Did you hear the one about the three holes in the ground?
          Well, well, well...

          Two goldfish are in a tank. One of them turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive one of these things?"

          A man walks into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but seran wrap. The Doctor looks up at him and says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts!"
          "It's never too late to be who you might have been." - George Eliot

          Comment


          • #6
            Its not too often you actually make up a joke yourself, but I did last night, so even though it's pretty bad, I'll share it.

            What kind of a dog does a Fortune Teller own?
            A Pomer-readean!
            "Every facet, every department of your mind is to be programmed by you, and unless you assume your rightful responsibility, and begin to program your own mind, the world will program it for you."

            Comment


            • #7
              lol, nice.
              "It's never too late to be who you might have been." - George Eliot

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by morea
                Did you hear the one about the three holes in the ground?
                Well, well, well...
                Ahem.... Morea, the title of this thread is Good jokes.
                In this post there are 47 people, none of them can be seen.

                Comment


                • #9
                  where I come from, that IS a good joke.

                  Want me to pull out the bad ones? They're very punny.
                  "It's never too late to be who you might have been." - George Eliot

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    One for the Canadians who know what a Newfie is....

                    There are two Newfies (Newfoundlanders).
                    One is on one side of a lake, the other is on the other side.
                    One yells to the other (in a Newfie accent)

                    "GEEZ BY, HOW'DIYA GIT TO DA ODDER SIDE OF DAT DERE LAKE?"
                    (translation: How do you get to the other side of the lake)


                    The second Newfie replies yelling back....\
                    "YOU FEKIN' IDIOT, YOU ARE'S ON DA ODDER SIDE OF DAT DERE LAKE!!!!"
                    (translation: you f'in idiot, you ARE on the other side of the lake.)



                    (bows to applause)
                    "You're just jealous because YOUR hat doesn't have a clock in it!"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Doctors performed the first penis transplant last month, but the man's body rejected it. Now he's just nuts.
                      "To be is to do" --Socrates.
                      "To do is to be" --Jean-Paul Sartre.
                      "Do be do be do" --Frank Sinatra

                      .

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        My paycheck.

                        Oh, good jokes....
                        Let me see you make decisions without your televisions.

                        N.A.N.K.A. "We Kick Because We Care."

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by CamarotaDesign
                          Doctors performed the first penis transplant last month, but the man's body rejected it. Now he's just nuts.
                          Was he related to the guy born without any eyelids? After he was circumcised the doctors used his foreskin to replace them. Everythings fine now, he just sees a little cockeyed.

                          "Every facet, every department of your mind is to be programmed by you, and unless you assume your rightful responsibility, and begin to program your own mind, the world will program it for you."

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Lawyers.

                            -

                            Stupid People.

                            -

                            What number is greater than 69?
                            88! Because you get 8 twice.

                            -

                            Why is there a bull dog facing forward on the front of a MACK truck?
                            So both A**holes can see each other at the same time.

                            -

                            Why did the blonde sniff neutra sweet?
                            She thought it was diet coke.

                            -

                            What do you call an etheopian who throws up?
                            A show off.

                            -

                            My job (I'm still a contract/temp) for this company is a pretty good joke.


                            .. I have more but I've got to get back to work, in this hell hole.
                            pas·sion
                            If there is no passion in your life, then have you already lived? Find your passion, whatever it may be. Become it, and let it become you, and you will find great things happen for you, to you, and because of you.
                            -T. Alan Armstrong

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              At women's work shop on leadership:

                              Facilitator: What do you call a woman who is a mother of three - an accomplished corporate excec - with a house mortgage nearly paid off?

                              Woman 1: A super woman.

                              Facilitator: correct. Now what do you call a woman who stays at home to take care of her three kids and husband?

                              Woman 2: A super super woman!

                              Facilitator: Wrong. She is Unemployed!
                              Purity and simplicity... and ubuntu.

                              If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.
                              - Bishop Desmond Tutu

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