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Pancaking Spider!

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  • Pancaking Spider!

    So I'm laying on the bed watching a little TV. A hint of movement catches my eye so I look to the right. There on my pillow about 6 inches from my head stands a big, hairy, menacing looking spider about the size of a small kangaroo. Now I'm not exactly sure of the precise sequence of what happened next but I think it went something like this.

    PSS (post spider sighting) -.01 seconds: I levitated a foot or so off of the bed.
    PSS - .03 seconds: Using a primitive form of telekinesis accessible only during a state of high adrenaline. I teleported myself to the other side of the room.

    My two cats were sleeping peacefully at the foot of the bed at this time. They had no idea what was going on but they figured anything that would cause me to teleport across the room had to be something they would rather not face. They both did a feline version of levitation and exited the room in a full blown panic. I quickly looked back at the bed and through a blue fog of obscenities I saw the bastard scurry down behind the pillows. I grabbed a canoe paddle I keep handy for just such an occurrence and leaped back to the bed. After 5 minutes or so of furious whacking, jabbing and stabbing I was sure nothing could have survived.

    I couldn't find the corpse though. All I found was one severed spider leg. I know he is lurking down there, somewhere behind the headboard and he's really pissed. He's just waiting for me too fall asleep. I'll tell ya something, it's hard to sleep with one eye open and a canoe paddle cradled in your arms. [img]/emoticons/cool.gif[/img]

    I love children but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

  • #2
    aaahhhh... thats SUCKS man.. i wouldn't be able to goto sleep until that thing was dead...noway!

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    • #3
      i don't want to alarm you...i have a real spider 'thing'....but, just so you know, spiders have, like, 800 eyes...



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      • #4
        Man, I have had them drop off from under my keyboard holder and onto my bare leg, that is when you teleport and do the kungfu dance on anything that moves on the floor, including several pointy objects that you swore where moving (bits of shapr plastic, etc). I did get my spider though. Makes my skin crawl...

        allen harkleroad<a target="_blank" href="mailto:H@rklerod" target=_blank>
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        • #5

          Scary stuff!!! I hate spiders... big time... My worst nightmare is that one day i will find a large flying species that lands on my face......

          Fortunately we only have small ones where i live! One time in Thailand though, just wakin up, all sleepy and stuff, lying on my back when..... my eyes start to focus on this beast about 2 inches long (body)!!! sitting on my mosquito net about 10 inches from my nose!! I was frozen for about 5 minutes wondering what the pancake to do!! In the end i seem to remember sliding out of my bed and running screaming from my hut!!

          Bad news is, it was a queen! Which means she lays eggs and attracts all the males to mate... OMG........ I moved out the next day.....


          • #6
            ROFLMFAO @ Kool!!

            That made me CRACK the fk up!!! Nothing else could make me laugh like that before 8am Kool! I hope he didn't nibble on you in your sleep ;o)

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            • #7
              <shudder> Can't stand spiders.

              But you told the tale so well!

              You've gotta do what you've gotta do.
              "It's never too late to be who you might have been." - George Eliot


              • #8
                I live out in the country, so I get them buggers (and crickets) all the time in my office in the basement. That's the worst feeling in the world, typing away at 2:00AM then seeing a little 'something' move slowly out of the far corner of your eyes.

                I wonder... maybe he crawled INTO your pillowcase... crawling around slowly in the space between the cloth and your ears... inching his way toward your scalp...

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                • #9
                  Ewww, maybe yours was a SHE, maybe she was the queen! If it were MY bedroom, my wife would have me bug-bombing first thing this morning while she stripped the bed and washed the sheets three times...

                  I'm a computer systems consultant and technician, but my business is very localized.
                  However, feel free to check out my site, which always has new and interesting
                  articles on using computers:
                  CATALYST Techworks Consulting


                  • #10

                    That's damn funny Kool. I also can appreciate a good kung fu dance Allen.

                    What kind of spiders do you get in your area Kool? Any venomous kinds harmful to humans?

                    I once had a spider crawling on my was black, about the size of a nickel, and hairy. It was almost pulling on my chest hair it was so....strong? But I didn't freak out...which amazes me, because I too have a dread fascination with them...they either scare the jeebies out of me or I stand there watching them for minutes.

                    "It's not cheating if you win."

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                    • #11
                      LOL good stuff

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                      • #12
                        he..he......i luv spiders, wouldn't mind one as a pet , maybe a tarantula, but the wife can't stand them.


                        • #13
                          Kool said...
                          the size of a small kangaroo

                          I can see it now!

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                          • #14
                            Mag, we have Black Widows but none of the real nasty kind. They seem to like warmer climates. I'm going to pick up a big ol can of Raid after work tonight and go the chemical warfare route this evening. I sternly warned the cats that all bugs were their responsibility and they better earn their keep and find it but I don't think they got it because they just stared at me and then went back to sleep. [img]/emoticons/cool.gif[/img]

                            I love children but I don't think I could eat a whole one.


                            • #15
                              Kool you should have let it bite you then you would be able to climb walls and get the 'proportinate' strength of a spider.

                              you can wear cool spandex and swing around the city looking for evil doers.

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