So I'm laying on the bed watching a little TV. A hint of movement catches my eye so I look to the right. There on my pillow about 6 inches from my head stands a big, hairy, menacing looking spider about the size of a small kangaroo. Now I'm not exactly sure of the precise sequence of what happened next but I think it went something like this.
PSS (post spider sighting) -.01 seconds: I levitated a foot or so off of the bed.
PSS - .03 seconds: Using a primitive form of telekinesis accessible only during a state of high adrenaline. I teleported myself to the other side of the room.
My two cats were sleeping peacefully at the foot of the bed at this time. They had no idea what was going on but they figured anything that would cause me to teleport across the room had to be something they would rather not face. They both did a feline version of levitation and exited the room in a full blown panic. I quickly looked back at the bed and through a blue fog of obscenities I saw the bastard scurry down behind the pillows. I grabbed a canoe paddle I keep handy for just such an occurrence and leaped back to the bed. After 5 minutes or so of furious whacking, jabbing and stabbing I was sure nothing could have survived.
I couldn't find the corpse though. All I found was one severed spider leg. I know he is lurking down there, somewhere behind the headboard and he's really pissed. He's just waiting for me too fall asleep. I'll tell ya something, it's hard to sleep with one eye open and a canoe paddle cradled in your arms. [img]/emoticons/cool.gif[/img]
I love children but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
PSS (post spider sighting) -.01 seconds: I levitated a foot or so off of the bed.
PSS - .03 seconds: Using a primitive form of telekinesis accessible only during a state of high adrenaline. I teleported myself to the other side of the room.
My two cats were sleeping peacefully at the foot of the bed at this time. They had no idea what was going on but they figured anything that would cause me to teleport across the room had to be something they would rather not face. They both did a feline version of levitation and exited the room in a full blown panic. I quickly looked back at the bed and through a blue fog of obscenities I saw the bastard scurry down behind the pillows. I grabbed a canoe paddle I keep handy for just such an occurrence and leaped back to the bed. After 5 minutes or so of furious whacking, jabbing and stabbing I was sure nothing could have survived.
I couldn't find the corpse though. All I found was one severed spider leg. I know he is lurking down there, somewhere behind the headboard and he's really pissed. He's just waiting for me too fall asleep. I'll tell ya something, it's hard to sleep with one eye open and a canoe paddle cradled in your arms. [img]/emoticons/cool.gif[/img]
I love children but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
Which means she lays eggs and attracts all the males to mate... OMG........ I moved out the next day.....
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