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  • Punny

    1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

    3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

    4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

    13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

    15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    17. A backward poet writes inverse.

    18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

    19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

    20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

    21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

    22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"

    23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

    25. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
    Shop smart. Shop S-Mart.

  • #2
    26. Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
    This post is brought to you by the letter E and the number 9. Those are the buttons I push to get a Twix out of the candy machine.
    "I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process."

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    • #3
      10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

      LOOLL!!!!!!
      Less marketing douchebaggery, MORE TANKS!

      Comment


      • #4
        It's not the first time I read them, and I know you did not author them, but still it's like language candy to me.
        "There is hope in honest error; none in the icy perfections of the mere stylist."
        C.R.M.

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        • #5
          Snef, I can't quite tell if that's a compliment or a slam, but I'm gonna take it shiny side up.
          Shop smart. Shop S-Mart.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by garricks View Post
            26. Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
            I immediately started to think of Groucho quotes too.
            People will believe anything, which means I will believe anythingI want to start believing in things that have shapeliness and harmony.
            -Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

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            • #7
              No shame in saying you found it somewhere, thanks for posting
              "There is hope in honest error; none in the icy perfections of the mere stylist."
              C.R.M.

              Comment


              • #8
                Snerferu ... I think it's assumed we all find stuff and post it here.
                Last edited by Red Kittie Kat; 08-30-2011, 01:24 PM.
                _______________________________________
                Hello... My name is Kittie and I'm a Font-a-holic.

                Daily Trivia Game ...GDF Fantasy Football League

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                • #9
                  LOL! nice
                  Typos are very important to all written form. It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing.
                  - Randy K. Milholland

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                  • #10
                    Wow....

                    Just.......wow....
                    Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time.
                    | Karl Marx |


                    A desperate disease requires a dangerous remedy.
                    | Guy Fawkes |


                    | flickr |

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