get it?

patty o'furniture?

c'mon people! drink green beer with me!

:on't call me Foreman, for I am your Boss::

Hahaha...didn't get it at first.

I want a refund. My life didn't come with an owner's manual.

Oh dear! That's terrible. I'm sure someone will have a long list of Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman jokes. I might have a hunt for some myself.

Searching for creative juices

Here's one! Not related to anything, but funny.

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher.

The judge rose from the bench. 'Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court,' he smiled with delight. 'Now sit down at that table and write: 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times!'

Another one....

A man drives his date up to lovers lane and parks. 'I have to be honest with you' the woman says as the guy makes his move.'I`m a hooker'.

The man thinks about this for a bit and decides he`s ok with it. He agrees to pay her $25 and they go at it. After they finish, the guy says,'Now I should be honest too. I`m a cab driver and its going to cost you $25 to get back to town'.

An American man and an Irish man are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Irish man goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of Jameson whiskey. He hands the bottle to the American man, whom exclaims,'' may the English and the Irish live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'' The American man then tips the bottle and lashes half of it down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Irish man, whom replies: '' no tanks, I'll just wait till the police get here!''

Without language, there is NO concept...

One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10
years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, 'It's certainly
not a ship.' And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out
the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft.

Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure.
Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead
gorgeous blonde!

The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him,
'Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a CancerStick?'

'Ten years,' replied the amazed Irishman.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left
sleeve or her wet suit, and pulled out a fresh pack of CancerSticks.

He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. 'Faith and begorrah,' said
the man, 'that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!'

'And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish whiskey?'
asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, 'Ten years.'

Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve unzips a pocket
there and removes a flask and hands it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink. ''Tis nectar of the gods!'
stated the Irishman. ''Tis truly fantastic!!!'

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front
of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and
asked, 'And how long has it been since you played around?'

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed,

'Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too!'

I'm poor - but even I found some money to contribute to keep GDF alive!