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  • Flyer Crtitique

    Hi,

    I would greatly appreciate feedback on a flyer design for a promotional contest. I am transitioning from a 3D artist to more design work, so I know I have made some mistakes in spacing, etc... Critiques are a great way to learn so I thought I would get thoughts. Thanks for your time.

    Patrick

    Click image for larger version

Name:	promotionFlyer.dec17.tier1.jpg
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  • #2
    There are a lot of opportunities for refinement there, so it's best to start with a general corrective statement: Everything is too large. More specifically, there is no focal point; no hierarchy; no clear draw of the reader's eye; it's all the same weight.

    In a piece like this, where reading order is important, your design has to lead the reader through the message. If this was my project, I'd find the attention-grabber...most likely "Reward yourself this holiday season..." and make it the biggest type on the page; the biggest by a lot. The rest can be much smaller., but where you put it, and its size and weight should dictate the order in which you'd have it read.

    Your layout disassociates the prizes with the explanation of their relative positioning. Despite the way you've positioned it, the Surface isn't the most important thing in this layout; the fact that it can be acquired for FREE is.

    And lastly, just because I'd rather have my head twisted off by a gorilla than accept the notion of people saying "based off" (or worse, based off of, based out of, etc.), please have someone trustworthy proofread all your copy. If you didn't write it, then you must make it right. In publishing there is no good grammar or bad grammar; only correct grammar. Never propagate inverse colloquialisms like "based off."
    I'd rather be killed than come to your party, but if you don't invite me, I'll kill myself.

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi Pobrien and welcome to GDF.

      We ask all new members to read very important links here and here. These explain the rules, how the forum runs and a few inside jokes. No, you haven't done anything wrong, we ask every new member to read them. Your first few posts will be moderated, so don't panic if they don't show up immediately. Enjoy your stay.
      Sketching not only helps you work out good ideas, it helps you get past the bad ones.

      Comment


      • #4
        Thanks for the feedback. That all makes a lot of sense. I'll take these points and re-work things.

        Comment


        • #5
          ''Based off'' is inverse of ''based on.'' ''Based on'' is a colloquialism.
          I think.
          I have not had enough to drink to play this game.

          o O
          Last edited by PrintDriver; 11-22-2017, 08:30 PM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by HotButton View Post
            Never propagate inverse colloquialisms like "based off."
            Okay, I know what a colloquialism is, but what is an inverse colloquialism?

            Probrien, in addition to HotButton's comments, which I agree with, the ad is a bit confusing. Maybe it's lacking context, and maybe I'd understand it better if I were the target audience.

            Your main headline isn't exactly compelling. Something a little more engaging and exciting than "Holiday Promotion" might work a little better.

            What does "Homeowners new business only." mean? Perhaps I just don't understand it because I'm not the target audience. Even so, it still makes no sense in that it's awkwardly worded jargon. Also, get rid of the period at the end unless you rewrite it into an actual sentence.

            Item number 1 needs a comma after, "To qualify." You need a period after Dec and you need an en dash (not a hyphen) between the range of dates.

            How does one enter this contest? Will the target audience already know how to do that? You provide no explanation.

            The 2nd place prize is a nice monitor, yet you're referring to it as a Samsung 28" QLED. Yes, there's a little picture of it elsewhere on the page, but I doubt most people will connect the photo with the text and won't know what a 28" QLED is?

            You need prime marks to indicate inches, not straight up-and-down quote marks. RAM should be capitalized in American usage since it's an acronym.

            This is a design forum, but I'm picking apart punctuation and writing because they contain more mistakes and errors of judgment than the design aesthetics. As HotButton said, your visual hierarchy is weak, but I still think it looks quite nice. That said, the design doesn't stop with the visuals -- the design (at least in my opinion) encompases everything. If the writing has problems, the design itself has problems because the writing is part of the design.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by PrintDriver View Post
              ''Based off'' is inverse of ''based on.'' ''Based on'' is a colloquialism.
              I think.
              I have not had enough to drink to play this game.

              o O

              That makes sense, I guess. Off is the inverse of on, which makes based off the inverse of based on. Got it.

              Comment


              • HotButton
                HotButton commented
                Editing a comment
                It's just what I call it when people use an expression that actually says or means the opposite of what is intended; ''could care less'' would be another prime example.

            • #8
              Hi B,

              I appreciate all your comments as well. The text was given to me with instructions not to change (office politics). I agree, the writing is bad. I'm glad I found this forum, seems everyone is very constructive and helpful.

              Comment

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