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    Xeon
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  • Need helpful criticism

    HI I'm new to the forums & would like some constructive criticism for this flyer. It will have a back to it for more event info but for now I want to see if there are any changes I should consider. Thanks in advance!
    Attached Files
    ~Jermel

    www.jwdesign.us - My portfolio n such

  • #2
    Yet another designah from Teh STL! Welcome!

    • you don't need the "th" in the date. "December 20" is good.
    • the time should be "1 pm—6 pm" spaces after the numbers and an n-dash instead of a hyphen.
    • you don't need a colon after "Hosted by"
    • close up the space before the city/state/ZIP and put it before KeJonas, and remove the colon after "Headquarters.
    • Will people know what "BCBG" means? If not, spell it out.

    You might also use a color other than black for the type, it seems a bit harsh. Maybe a dark blue?

    Hope that helps!
    This post is brought to you by the letter E and the number 9. Those are the buttons I push to get a Twix out of the candy machine.
    "I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process."

    Comment


    • #3
      Oh, and here's the official Mod duty: Please read these important threads posted here. They will explain a lot about how the forum runs, from the rules and regulations to frequently discussed topics to the background on some of our lingo and inside jokes.

      I hope you enjoy yourself!
      This post is brought to you by the letter E and the number 9. Those are the buttons I push to get a Twix out of the candy machine.
      "I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process."

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by garricks View Post
        Yet another designah from Teh STL! Welcome!

        • you don't need the "th" in the date. "December 20" is good.
        • the time should be "1 pm—6 pm" spaces after the numbers and an n-dash instead of a hyphen.
        • you don't need a colon after "Hosted by"
        • close up the space before the city/state/ZIP and put it before KeJonas, and remove the colon after "Headquarters.
        • Will people know what "BCBG" means? If not, spell it out.

        You might also use a color other than black for the type, it seems a bit harsh. Maybe a dark blue?

        Hope that helps!
        Thanks! I'm just starting out as far as being 'official' that is.

        Thanks for your critique, It helps me a lot.
        ~Jermel

        www.jwdesign.us - My portfolio n such

        Comment


        • #5
          You're welcome...it's pretty quiet around here on the weekends, especially holiday weekends, so check back tomorrow. I'm sure others will be chiming in.
          This post is brought to you by the letter E and the number 9. Those are the buttons I push to get a Twix out of the candy machine.
          "I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process."

          Comment


          • #6
            Hey jwinston,

            To me it looks like a pice of artwork from PC template. Have you looked at executions from other designers? Designers that have created Xmas x-ards etc. If you want to be a designer you have to be individual, and that individuality will bread creativeness. Have a look at your typography, and the icons you use to symbolise Xmas. Does it have to be snow flakes and Ball Balls? The artwork that you have done doesn't say spa to me? It says 12 year old xmas party designed by the dad on his PC. Sorry to be nasty, but as a creative you have to speak the truth and strive for something different. Come up with something clever. The good thing about a xmas party is that its exciting, and could be a little edgy. Look at the major things you are getting across. IE Xmas, Party, Spa and invitation. And have a look at getting some links between them. It also depends on the target age group. Is it a direct mailer or are you handing them out. look at the presentation. IE is it going through front doors, via email or being handed out, or collected from the spa. Maybe this will spark something.

            Hope this is ok, and not to cold. If you want me to explain or summarize please let me know...

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by garricks View Post
              • the time should be "1 pm—6 pm" spaces after the numbers and an n-dash instead of a hyphen.
              There should be a space between the time and the pm? Am i weird for thinking that's weird?

              Comment


              • #8
                Hi there!

                I don't think Pearls & Pocketbooks needs to be in a different font. Having 1 font for the whole piece will make it look more cohesive. I think people naturally ready things in a hierarchy anyway (top to bottom, left to right) so you wouldn't worry about people missing the title.

                As it is, the title is quite hard to read so I reckon they would miss the title based on that.

                I like the colours you have used though. Quite different to usual Christmas stuff. How did you come about picking those colours?
                It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" – Winnie the Pooh

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Roth View Post
                  There should be a space between the time and the pm? Am i weird for thinking that's weird?
                  I think it's weird as well, I also think "December 20" would look strange, sorry garricks :x
                  http://martyng.com

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by martyng View Post
                    I think it's weird as well, I also think "December 20" would look strange, sorry garricks :x
                    I'm with the space before pm looks a little weird, also the leaving off of 'th' in teh date. Maybe that's an American thing that's why we find it odd. Like having the month and the date the wrong way round.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Guy Cornet View Post
                      Hey jwinston,

                      To me it looks like a pice of artwork from PC template. Have you looked at executions from other designers? Designers that have created Xmas x-ards etc. If you want to be a designer you have to be individual, and that individuality will bread creativeness. Have a look at your typography, and the icons you use to symbolise Xmas. Does it have to be snow flakes and Ball Balls? The artwork that you have done doesn't say spa to me? It says 12 year old xmas party designed by the dad on his PC. Sorry to be nasty, but as a creative you have to speak the truth and strive for something different. Come up with something clever. The good thing about a xmas party is that its exciting, and could be a little edgy. Look at the major things you are getting across. IE Xmas, Party, Spa and invitation. And have a look at getting some links between them. It also depends on the target age group. Is it a direct mailer or are you handing them out. look at the presentation. IE is it going through front doors, via email or being handed out, or collected from the spa. Maybe this will spark something.

                      Hope this is ok, and not to cold. If you want me to explain or summarize please let me know...
                      Wow...really? Ok so the Christmas theme was requested by my client so I unfortunately have no say there. Can't go too edgy b/c this person doesn't like that type of thing. I get what you're saying about a cohesive theme to encompass all elements of the event. As I'm sure you know, what I like & what my clients want are most likely two different things where I usually loose out.

                      I have looked at other executed Christmas artwork & maybe it's me but most of it doesn't even look like it has anything to do w/Christmas. It's either completely not holiday-ish & dark or looks like a template as you say.

                      I'm sure you already expected me to say this, but you being nasty wasn't necessary to get your point across. However, I do appreciate what you have to say.
                      ~Jermel

                      www.jwdesign.us - My portfolio n such

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by budafist View Post
                        How did you come about picking those colours?

                        Thanks for your comments. I pulled colors from a wreath I made a couple of years ago.
                        ~Jermel

                        www.jwdesign.us - My portfolio n such

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          The date and time formatting may be a Brit vs. US English thing.
                          This post is brought to you by the letter E and the number 9. Those are the buttons I push to get a Twix out of the candy machine.
                          "I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process."

                          Comment

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