Honest critiques For College Jr. Portfolio review

[Koreyh]

Here are two of the pieces I'm going to submit. I need to past the first time so I want honest constructive opinions for my work. The Hitchcock poster is suppost be me minimalist, with hand made work. the second work is a mag article redesign. It has no limitations besides being two spreads, an ad, and the Content page.

Psycho Poster
Magazine Redesign (6 page pdf may take some time to load)

Any feedback would be appreciated I will post once I figure out how I can post them.

Thank you, Korey

[KitchWitch]

Hi Koreyh and welcome to GDF!

We ask that all new members take a few minutes read through important threads here and here. These will explain our rules, answer frequently asked questions and explain some of the long running jokes you'll run into.

Enjoy your stay.

[joe23st]

You might want to put your images on a hosting site such as imageshack or photobucket. Many members around here are a little leery of downloading attachments, especially from new members.

I can see what you're trying to do with the Psycho cover, but it's not really working, at least in my opinion. It's kinda illegible. I'd comment on the magazine spreads but it was taking a bit of time to download so I kinda gave up. That being said, your PDFs are ridiculously large. (20mb for a six page pdf?)

Try posting your actual images on an image host and you'll get more responses though!

[Koreyh]

Ohh okay I use chrome which opens them in browser, It slipped my mind. Thats why I uploaded them to my school server because they were larger then any sites allowed limit.
below should be the poster and magazine spread in the proper order.








Thank,
Korey

[Koreyh]

[ZHGD]

Hi Korey,

I'm not sure how many pieces you need for your review, but I would look at cutting the Psycho poster. I see where you're going with it, but I don't think its effective. The type choices dont work for me and I really dislike the black that appears in the negative area of the red brush work. That black really needs to be changed to white to give it a better brushy, blood splatter feel (first time I've written that, I must say)

Now, the magazine redesign I feel is a strong piece. Mind you, I didnt read it word for word for typographic errors (though if you haven't, you should) but I think the feel and general design is good. My one concern is the 2nd photo of Jack could be masked better. There is some white in his hair that I know is tricky to get out, but really needs addressed. I like the quote to break up the columns and would like to see that done again on perhaps the 4th page of the pdf. Other than that, the columns look good, the photos are well chosed, the feel is consisten through the use of color, type, mood, and repetition of the brushy borders.

I think this is a pretty solid piece overall, nice work.

[Koreyh]

how the review is set up I need to have 6 pieces 2 from Intro to Graphic Design, 2 from intro to Typography, and 2 from intermediate Graphic Design. The psycho poster is from my intro to Graphic Design and I only had 5 projects and the poster and a book were the only 2 useable projects are there any suggestions on how I could "make it work"
Also the content page does the change of color work, or should I make it consistant with the rest of the main articles layout.

Thanks ZHGD for reminding me about the typography I looked through it and found some widows.

[spacecadetglows]

Originally Posted by Koreyh

Thanks ZHGD for reminding me about the typography I looked through it and found some widows.

make sure to edit it for content, too. on the cover page, you have ozzy as the "price" of darkness.

[kion]

I'm not feeling the Psycho poster. I can see what you were trying to do, but the Y doesn't do it justice and neither does the typeface you chose. The shape of the Y seems unintentionally sloppy and the edges look pixelated which might be adding to the sloppy feel of it. The Y is also not kerned properly and therefore looks out of place. it's also set at less of a slant than the rest of the letters which I'm assuming is intentional, but it may give your poster more dynamic effect if you tried slanting the Y as well. The blood effect isn't really coming through clearly either. To me, the blood looks too 3D, way too thick and the solid red with the shine makes it look like plastic as opposed to blood. I think my main concern about the Psycho poster is revolving around that Y, which is a bit of an issue because it's the focal point of your piece. I'm also not sure about the typeface you chose for Alfred Hitchcock. Aside from conveying a sense of discord, the typeface is kind of ugly and doesn't say much else about Hitchcock or the movie, and I can't say I'm a big fan of the pointy, squiggly, disappearing stems.

In so far as making it work, you might have to do a lot of work on this one, but I'd probably start with the Y and consider changing the typeface you used for Alfred Hitchcock into something more readable.

Next, your magazine redesign.

Did you double check your copy and make sure everything was spelled correctly with proper grammar? One of the first things my eye landed on with regards to the ad page was "Now its your turn". You have a grammar error right there in one of your headlines. I like the choice of type you used for "Living the Dream" but, it feels kind of small to me and sort of gets lost even though it's placed at the top and is fairly large. It might be because it needs to be a smidgen larger and perhaps you could consider using that typeface in other areas on the ad? Also the logo you set in the lower left completely falls apart when you look at the image at a slightly higher resolution. I can't read the words to the left of the graphic which means you might need to source a better version of the logo.

You have a few grammar errors on the Contents page. Most notable are, "price of darkness" and "Brad delson". His last name needs to be capitalized. Your "96 Rush" header looks like it is set lower than "Ozzy Obsbourne" and "Lamb of God". In fact, I might even suggest you set Ozzy and Lamb lower because they look cramped when placed so close to the descriptors.

I generally like how you laid out the article. I did notice a few things, the first would the image you chose for the cover of the article. The photo looks to be of lower resolution than all of the other photos you used and the clean up in his hair is missing a few spots of white. Also there's a white outline where cropping could be cleaned up on his right shoulder.

You're missing a period after "Les Paul" on the article cover. There were widows in your copy, but you already noticed those. His hair and arms on page 79 could do with a little more clean up because I can see the white outlines on that photo. To me, there's not enough space between the body text and the footer so that my eye gets hung up on the footer every time I finish reading the page. Finally, on page 81 your copy runs into the image in a way that makes it look like a mistake as opposed to an intentional conscious decision. Either make the text runs further into the image for an intentional effect, or make sure there's enough space there to separate the two.

[kemingMatters]

I'm going to leave the Psycho poster alone, it's an okay concept, I would suggest trying a few different executions of it. -Okay, on thing, why the cap C in HitchCock, it looks like you are trying to emphasize ****, that is all.

The magazine article.
Ad: Give the copy some room, it's quite close to the image. the centered text on the lower left, needn't be center aligned, you could align it with the logo beneath it to make it feel like it's part of the same ad. The URL and email address is way too close to the trim, safety of 0.25" or more away from the trim as a rule of thumb on magazines for important text. Also the email address typically isn't necessary, someone who wants to email will probably visit the website, which most likely includes a contact section.

Page 1: center center center, but off-centered center. it's a little boring. Your feature on page 78 is redundant, put the description with the massive image, it is the feature. Watch your horizontal alignments, Lamb of God is off-grid with Ozzy and Rush.

Page 2: The opening paragraph can be set in larger text, even a different font from the rest of the body copy. Think of it this way, Heading=Hook, Subheading=Line, Opening Paragraph=Sinker, treat it like a callout.

Page 3: Looks like a lot of text, break it up with a callout. (pick an interesting line and make it bigger) this is like trolling, you may not of caught any fish with the first page, but an interesting quote can pull a reader in. Maybe push the start of the interview to the next page.

Page 4: Again, Looks like a lot of text, break it up with callouts or another image. I would suggest killing the indents on the interview, maybe bold what GW says as they are the leading the interview. Watch the widow at the end of the second column.

Page 5: Similar suggestions to page 4. the image needs to bleed or be a bit wider than the columns of copy, it is also to close to the end of the paragraph. Removing the indent from the interview section should help with some orphans, like the last GW question. Typically, the end of articles in magazines are marked with a symbol or end-sign, although not all publications do this.

Also how does it look in spreads?