I am (going) crazy.

[boylearnsdesign]

i dont know if anyone noticed but i used to post into the crit pit quite often for critiques of my stuff but as of late i havent posted anything in there because frankly i have nothing to show anymore. im so burned out of ideas for anything and everything because im drowning in my own insecurities and neurosis.

ive been in quite a bit of a dry spell and while i understand that every creative person comes across these, i think ive been hit pretty hard. my problem basically revolves around my personality as a person and i dont think my personality is a good fit for this career.

im always comparing myself to really distinguished and accomplished designers and illustrators even though im only 17 and i havent even started a single class of college yet, i feel so behind. like im not keeping pace with the big names. and it makes me feel miserable and i know i shouldnt compare myself because again, im only 17 and i have a good 4 years of college ahead of me, but my craziness wont stop. i feel so rushed all the time like i have to become the best designer/illustrator by the age of 19 or 20 or no one will think im talented or good at this.

and this mentality has really affected my work as of late. ive been dabbling into web design, been illustrating more, trying to learn indesign and ive been doodling nonsense into my notebook. but really it looks like ive forgotten how to draw simple characters (not that i could draw well in the first place). and if im being honest with myself, im kind of bipolar. on one hand im arrogant as all hell at times. i do think of myself as some talented genius at times (anyone recall those playing cards?) but on the other hand when the going gets tough, i break down and reduce myself to the state of dirt. especially when i compare myself to other artists. the first thing i always look for in another artists info is his/her age. i just have to know how old they are so that i can base my progress on their average age.

i have a vision for myself as some renaissance man of the art world that can do print web illustrations animations. the whole nine yards. so in that sense im cocky. but im also very aware there are people even younger than i am that can do this stuff way better than i can right now and i get angry at myself for being so incompetent. at some point i think ive gotten so wrapped up in the thought of me being a talented kid that i feel the need and pressure to just produce quality works every damn time. and that if i dont people wont praise me anymore or take back their impression of me.

im overly critical of myself and some times i just look for people to stroke my ego. but its never enough no matter how many people tell me what i do is good or great because at some points i just cant believe them. they could very well be lying to me (thank that paranoia to my parents). and then i go back to looking for some more people to just throw compliments my way.

i can be good at taking critiques depending on my mood and really as of late ive been really bad at taking them just because ive been so angry at myself for not being able to produce quality work like i used to (not that what i did before was anything like the pros). my thoughts would always revolve around 'ah what do you know, im the talent around here' or 'ah what do you know, youre not even the least bit creative or artistic to begin with' yadayadayada. basically i put myself up on a pedestal and stay in denial. orrrr on the other hand, i just let it get to me and i punch myself in the face for being a sucky designer even after a year and a half of this shit.

ive been pretty good at taking critiques in the crit pit. i follow the advice of the people that take their time to help me out, but behind the scenes is me just going crazy at the fact that i cant nail it down right the first time. because im just so damn arrogant that i think i can cut corners and just arrive at a finished product.

im not a person thats into money. im not greedy. thats not true i am greedy. im greedy for approval and fame. i know as a designer were always in the background acting as ghosthands and whatnot, which is fine. but i want to be at least known within the design community as a kind of rising star. i post my nonsense on flickr, tumblr, deviantart and probably ill create an account on behance next. i try to network with design blogs through twitter. post stuff on the crit pits and submitted stuff into threadless, just craving for some recognition. i check my accounts everyday like a pathetic fool for any comments people left behind. but again im 17 so whos even gonna turn an eye my way to some kid who has no foundation in anything. im gonna be turning 18 in 2 months and im stressing because it just means i have one year less to catch up to the masters.

basically, most of you if you read all that must think im crazy and ill admit i probably am not too tight in the head. sorry for all that i needed to let that out. point of the matter being though, with all this crazy in my head, i just dont feel confident enough to pursue a career in this field. i dont feel confident in my skills and personality to be successful. im neurotic to the bone i feel. im sorry for wasting your time. i needed to vent that.

but really by posting this im just being a pity whore and hoping that by the next two three days when i come back to this thread there will be a number of comments all reassuring of how great i am and i have nothing to worry about because i have a good eye for whatever or that i have a good sense of whatever and that im gonna be a great success in the design world two years later. i hate myself.

what the hell is wrong with me?

[Riefnu]

Pick up a new hobby? Something to take your mind of things for a bit.

All the facets of design are rather daunting and can easily burn someone out. I have to stop myself from trying to go to many directions at once and getting to thin all over.

It doesn't help that companies expect almost every design student to be some super creative savant that does everything and anything perfectly on every program under the sun.

They want you to sketch, design, plan, animate, web, flash, print, movie, code, troubleshoot, IT, wash, wax, and clear coat.


All at once, and if you don't do it by 18 they act like they don't want to.


Truth is, these companies don't know what they want, and they get the same thing all the people they reject. Absolutely nothing. Harsh to accept, but just gotta stick with it to find a place to get into it. Trying to jump into the deep end before learning to swim never works out great.

[adnewall]

Now that was some rant about yourself ^_^

I've tread this path myself. And being twenteen - I also failed at the 19 age band. But I still have plans to make it before I'm 25, it's a must.
Though there is something I realised when I started looking into different careers, and I assume it shall be the same thing for you.

The reason you want to do so well, is because you want to - not because of the design world but because of your world. So any field you go into, will be hit by this again. Granted the design path is very competitive, but that's why it is so inviting to our sort. So moving away won't really help much.


I must agree with Riefnu, you should take up a hobby. Some kind of sport, boost your dopamine. And let designs come to you.

Also read some books on designing, that helped me alot.

Here's a few I read:
How to Have Kick-Ass Ideas 0007220944
Whatever You Think, Think The Opposite 0141025719
It's Not How Good You Are, It's How Good You Want To Be 0714843377
A Technique for Producing Ideas 0071410945

They are all quite small books, that can be read in a day or two. But well worth the read.


And bottom line, Good luck and make yourself a decent brew.

[eugenetyson]

A friend of mine is a plumber full time. He can't use a computer. Useless at them.

But he's an excellent artist. He can draw, paint and does so. He hangs his own stuff up in his house. It's very impressive.

I know I could never do that. Just as he knows he could never sit at a computer 8 hours a day designing.


If you don't feel confident or creative then take some art classes or creativity classes. Read a few books.

Step away from the computer for a week. Don't even think about design. Don't pick up a pen or pencil to draw anything.

If you don't do this college course what are you going to do instead? At 17 I was starting work as a screen printer. It wasn't until I was 21 that I learned the skills on the computer. So, already you have 4 years on me, relatively speaking that is.

You should get a hobby that doesn't revolve around doing design. Something to take a break from it. Learn an instrument or something. Take up a sport, like martial arts, basketball, football, soccer, etc. Join a gym. Socialise more. Socialise with people that are not designers or illustrators etc.

If you want sympathy from me you won't get it, but you can find it in the dictionary, it's between sh** and syphilis.

You're only 17. Get a hold of yourself.

[PrintDriver]

At 17 I had a weekend job and the weeks belonged to me. Enjoy life now while you have the chance. Get out. Do stuff. School is important but keep it in perspective. You are only 17. That is too young to have achieved anything, let alone fail at it.

This is a perennial problem with the New Generation. They've been told all their young lives how wonderful they are, that they are great, that they can do anything. The truth is, a life long career, no matter what it is, takes time to develop.

Have you ever had anything you truly had to work for? Have you even had to pinch pennies to afford that down payment on a car? Tried out for something and didn't make the team? Life is full of people better than you. Realize it, then ignore it. Easy to say. hard to do.

[eugenetyson]

Originally Posted by PrintDriver

The truth is, a life long career, no matter what it is, takes time to develop.

Yeh, like, it takes a life time to develop a life long career.

[garricks]

Hey, bld, I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering why we hadn't seen a post from you.

First, go back and read PrintDriver's post again. And then again. Wise words.

When I was 17, I was an up and coming musician, on my way to joining the symphony. Well, today my chief rival back then has my spot in the symphony and I'm a graphic designer, after having been an emergency room clerk, a billing clerk and a bill collector.

Life never turns out as you expect it. I agree with the others, turn off the computer and close the sketch book for a few days. Maybe pick up a camera and take a walk. Look at the world around you and just BE IN IT. Take some pictures of what interests you. Try to connect with your inner you.

And lastly, if you ARE having mood swings and truly think you may be bipolar, talk to your parents about it. See a counselor. There's help available, and there's no shame in asking for it.

[Roth]

This isn't about design, is it?

[textbox]

Design is an evolving talent, you cant expect to be the best at 17. Some of the best designers we work with didn't start until their late 20s and hit their peak in their 30s.

As you learn more concepts and techniques and get more experience your talent will grow.

Also agree with others. Go for a run. It will clear your head and get rid of the anxiety.

Hang in there.

[Cre8tivDirector]

I understand ambition. And in some cases - it can be a very good thing to have. However - you're 17. You're not even officially an adult yet. Enjoy the last year of "childhood". What's the rush? Is there some law that says you have to do it by a certain age? I'm not old, not by any means - but it's taken me over 6 years to begin to make a name for myself in the industry. I now do presentations and seminars with the Art Institute of Seattle and a few small business associations. Next year I may or may not do a seminar at HOW's design conference - i haven't decided yet. You can't rush this. Design takes it's own time - just as life does.