college typography project poster opinions

[pecchi17]

hi all

just posting a quickie, im currently starting a poster for a college project, its a typographic poster for the lyrics of a chosen song. my song being in the year 2525 by zegar and evans, i just wanted to get your thoughts on it as i progressed.

the song is about the development of technology and through time how it will take over, i am designing it around the idea of the test tube baby because its a very prominent issue today and features in the song even although it was written 20 odd years ago. the idea is to do the text in the shape of a couple of test tubes side by side possibly different shapes and delete the shadow test tubes to show only type and graphics within the tubes.

any feedback welcome and thanks for your time

ohh and just so you know its not a finished piece i still have quite a bit of work to do on it

[Audentia]

I find the text very hard to read. The word man is awkward on the vertical... and I can't even make out the word between "find and in the" and I suspect it's an important word because right now this doesn't really make sense to me.

I have to say that the text right now doesn't connect to me with the test tube baby. What does telling the truth have to do with a baby?
Are you trying to make a social commentary here about how test-tube babies are (in your opinion) wrong? or how telling the truth is important.
Guess I'm missing the boat.
I think you probably have something here, but need to step back and remember that people dont' know what you're trying to say, so you have to be obvious. Remember that law of simple and stupid.

[shmoo]

^^^^^
and way too much going on. What is the fist? and why is some of the text in colour?
the baby is too far fetched to understand just by looking at it.

[pecchi17]

hey guys thanks

just to remind you, if you read what i was saying, this is only quarter of the way through, the baby in the test tube will become clearer once all the lyrics are in

listen to the song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izQB2-Kmiic

[garricks]

Oh, I remember the song! I still have the 45 here somewhere. (If you don't know what a 45 is, well, you're just lame.) Pecchi, I'll be interested to see where you take this.

[Roth]

Make sure the words and the baby use the same parameters. On the second one the words don't go to the edge but the baby does.

[lweedop]

I would suggest making a couple of the words much larger to draw the eye in. I'm a big fan of typographic art but usually there's one or two big words (usually important to the overall concept) that help catch the viewers attention. Also, once you're done with the project, and remove the shadow of the test tube, I would put something else in the picture to suggest the concept you're trying to get across. Maybe a test tube stand or some scientific equations in the background. It might turn out being too busy, but it's worth a try.

I agree with schmoo that you should lose the fist but I don't mind some of the words being a different color as long as it doesn't turn into a rainbow. Good job; keep going!

[pecchi17]

well spotted roth, i just threw in the baby to show its place, i'll line everything up nice and take the test tube out once all the words are in, i've already done some changes etc to make it more readable and so its easier to follow the words

i'll do another post to show the second stage soon

thanks for your time i really appreciate it

ohh love curb your enthusiasm by the way

[mojoprime]

not knowing the song, and at first glance, i totally got "condom" on the second image...

[Tea]

I knew what was going on right away, but the song was one of my favorites so that gave me a edge in.

I think it's definitely headed in the right direction.

I decided to watch the video and I had never seen the singers perform the song, so if that wasn't a bubble burster! But, the cool part is the song is still just as awesome.