Given your age, it is pretty great – a lot better than some stuff by much older people who call themselves designers.
However, there are some issues – but you know that, or you wouldn’t be here.
For me the most problematic is that, currently, it feels more like a press ad than a poster. Imagine, you’re late for the bus, preoccupied with your daily life. Would it grab your attention? The picture hits the right tone of abject loneliness, but the headline feels like second tier, drill down text. For me, It is crying out for an attention-grabbing, short, sharp headline to support your idea, that connects the text and image (both physically and conceptually). Something powerful and succinct that makes you want to read on. Something like, Storm Clouds Gather – but better! That was just by way of example, off the top of my head. I am sure you can do a lot better than that with a bit of thought.
At the moment, text and image feel too separated. They need connecting.
The new background you have put behind the text now impacts legibility. I’d either make it lighter, or make the small text on it, white.
Speaking of which, I think there is far too much text for a poster. A poster’s job is to give pertinent information quickly to make people want to find out more. You need to make this last part easy for them to do. If you are running for the bus when you pass it, you are simply not going to read it all. It is all about context. If it’s in a bus shelter, where people do have time to read the small text, they might … but you need to draw their interest enough to want to. Their minds are elsewhere.
You need to work out what you want people to do once you have got them to notice, then read the poster. Then make the poster do it. This is the Call to Action, or, CTA (Steve–O mentioned this already). It is the job the poster has to do. ‘Call this number now’, ‘Find out more’, ‘See how you can help.’, etc, etc. There are thousands of ways to do it, some subtle, some like a wet fish slapped around the face. However, it is done, depends on context and audience, but it needs to be there in some form, otherwise, it is just an information sheet and not working hard for your client.
Overall though, a cracking start. Well done. I’d say you have a burgeoning talent for this sort of thing. You have started with an emotive concept, rather than a more prosaic, pragmatic approach. That is exactly right, given the subject. You need to evoke an emotional response that directly connects to the viewer’s sense of empathy and compassion. Then get them to do something with that emotion.
Stick at it. Good job so far. Well done.